Saturday afternoon The Daily Cardinal will battle the newspaper and softball juggernaut that is The Badger Herald. The dignified lads and lasses from Vilas Hall will duke it out with the ragamuffins of Gorham Street. The Herald, led by the self-proclaimed \Sultan of Swagger"" Lars Russell, managed to steal away a victory in last year's Cardinal-Herald softball match and this year the Cardinal is out for vengeance.
Sports Editor and southpaw James ""Randy Johnson"" Wold will attempt to find his fastball and devastating slider to make the Herald batters swing at air.
Led by fearless leaders Thomas ""Nice Job Buddy"" Derpinghaus and Alan ""Hammerin'"" Hamari, the Cardinal has some much-needed leadership on the bench.
In the heart of the Cardinal lineup is a formidable lefty-righty trio of ""America's Sweethearts""'Ben Sykes, Courtney Heeren and Maya Ziv-el.
Patrolling the outfield for the Cardinal are the ""Killer Ks"" of Kate Burkart-Paulson, Katie Gilbert, Katie Maxwell, Kristin V. Johnson and Kimberlee Karr.
Look for the double-play duo of The Daily Cardinal's very own Flaccid Ernie band member Gregg Sparks and No. 1 fan Dan Weltin, to gobble up any ground balls near them, should Weltin get off the disabled list with explosive diarrhea.
Behind the plate is David ""Simon sez,"" while Ellen ""Flock of"" Segall and Mike ""Saab"" Staab offer their supreme pinch-hitting skills to the squad.
Yet this game has two teams and the Herald players are no slouches as they come in brimming with confidence.
Along with Russell, Herald sports editor Mary Motzko, editor-in-chief Alexander Conant and Katie Harbath can strike fear into any opponent.
Derpinghaus is not worried.
""I like beer,"" he said.
