Like most Americans, I have grown up under a deluge of TV advertisements. I have been bombarded by all sorts of product pitches, ranging from financial services that no one really understands to pharmaceutical companies that end up listing side effects such as \may paralyze you from the waist down.""
Needless to say, I am tired. Tired of hearing the same type of advertisements over and over again. For instance, car advertisements usually involve a cute, red sports car traveling at speeds far faster than your friendly highway patrolman will ever allow. After exciting you with the car's amazing traction and a zero-to-whatever pick up, a boring salesman from your local dealership will come on and inform you that interest rates are so low you can't afford not to buy the car.
Perhaps the most egregious car advertisement comes from a local dealership. Kayser Ford consistently plays the same radio and TV ad that it made in the 1980s for Kayser's ""Sellorama."" It features an annoying ragtime singer repeating the world ""sellorama"" again and again along with the phrase, ""a humdinger of a sale at Kayser Ford."" I would gladly give up what is my only opportunity to hear the word ""humdinger"" in public if Kayser would agree to air this ad only once a year.
I still curse the day that Congress decided to allow pharmaceutical companies to advertise. Now the evening news is interspersed with happy, healthy people praising the drug that stopped their acid reflux or cured their horrible allergies. Of course, you still need a doctor to prescribe this miracle cure, and how many of us really want to walk into the doctor's office telling him we desperately need Lipozor because we are just too fat?
It may only be me, but hearing about how acid reflux may gradually erode your esophagus unless you take the advertised drug makes me uncomfortable. It's like your uncle unzipping his shirt at the dinner table to show you his most recent scars from heart surgery. I would rather not know.
A growing trend is what are called ""in-house"" advertisements. They are the brief snippets of information about upcoming shows and ""Must-See-TV events"" that usually promote the network you are currently watching. Where once there might be only one during a series of advertisements, networks are increasingly using more and more space to promote their shows. Unfortunately, most of the shows being promoted are of the lowest possible quality and will likely be cancelled within three weeks of the premiere.
The poor quality of advertisements has forced me to do something drastic'I am watching public television. At least in the wonderful world of state-sponsored media I can escape annoying spokespeople, the ""You can't see this on television"" promotions and Richard Simmons. Instead, I can listen to the soothing voice of David Attenborough explaining the mating rituals of African horseflies or watch public television's equivalent of Robot Wars with an endearing British host.
Yes, I run the risk of being branded a dork, or worse yet, an elitist. Being an admitted public television watcher can get you pummeled in certain parts of this country. However, I feel that the only way the average consumer can protest the consumption of poor-quality advertisements is to show that he or she is willing to embrace PBS.
I would personally recommend ""Ballykissangel,"" a BBC production that vaguely resembles CBS's ""Northern Exposure"" with an Irish twist. I have also heard good things about Sister Wendy's show on famous art museums. I mean, how can a nun analyzing modern art possibly be boring? Although the Newshour's anchors could put a raging rhino to sleep, at least you don't have to endure Dan Rather's pompous posturing.
Of course, there are other options to avoid the annoying advertisements. One promising prospect is digital television. According to the company producing this product, the television viewer will be able to watch TV shows in real time without the advertisements. I won't even pretend to understand how this technology works. I am the product of a ""liberal arts"" education, which means the only thing I am good for is commenting on PBS documentaries. However, from what I understand, this amazing piece of technology could eliminate advertisements altogether.
I would recommend digital television to all those Republicans out there who can't bring themselves to support PBS after spending the last 30 years attempting to crush everything vaguely resembling a public good. Although I don't want to stereotype Republicans, I think the average party donor could probably afford it. As for myself, I will stick with the affordable but loveable PBS, despite the public humiliation.
