If The Daily Cardinal continues in its habit of publishing my column Wednesdays, I will be 21 as you read this article. If you happen to be reading this on the very day of its publication, I will likely be asleep, recovering from last night's 21st birthday celebration.
Wow, this is an odd feeling. Twenty birthdays in the past, with this 21st the chief carrot in front of my face since adolescence.
The thing about my 21st that scares me is that I've experienced innumerable birthday celebrations for myself, friends and family and I've seen one recurring trait among young people experiencing birthdays: boorish behavior.
This worries me, especially since I spend most of my time'and column space'reflecting on the nasty, selfish things I do to myself and others on the 364 days a year that aren't my birthday.
I'm sure you've noticed this phenomenon too. Something about birthdays brings out the most self-centered, socially irresponsible part of us. It's the IDs day, when we do whatever the hell we feel like, regardless of the consequences to ourselves, our loved ones or random passersby.
This tendency manifests itself in different forms throughout our lives.
In childhood, it comes out as rebellion against forces that would keep you from doing the things that mommy's headache and daddy's patience prohibit. It's that one day of the year when your parents have to let you run around the house with a metal pot on your head, banging on it with wooden spoons, yelling \YA-YA-YA"" at the top of your lungs.
As we hit college, this hedonistic birthday etiquette takes on a more sophisticated tone.
You act socially aggressive in a manner more appropriate to your age than inviting your little wiener friends over and taunting the ones with flaws of personality, physical appearance or family structure.
Instead, you get drunk and strut about the town like you have the world in your pants.
The drinking just adds to your delusions of supremacy on that date. You reflect on the mystic importance of your life. You wallow in birthday splendor, making only certain necessary social concessions and wielding power with thinly veiled self-absorption. You vomit on the shoes of anyone who might question your authority.
The main similarity I see between little kid birthdays and college birthdays is the crying. With both age groups, you can always find a birthday boy or girl ready to throw down all the cards and turn into a sobbing heap in a last gasp attempt to rend attention and sympathy from all onlookers.
Oh well, the selfish birthday behavior we young people practice is more cathartic, at least, than the passive-aggressive-half-assed-non-reveling of the typical adult.
As you finish reading my column, I hope you know that for the pain in the ass a birthday boy or girl can be, you owe it to them to put up with obnoxious behavior once a year. Chances are you're that person's friend because of redeeming traits that shine 364 days a year.
I wish all of you a happy birthday, whenever it may fall. Rest assured, if you need someone to watch you behave antisocially on your big day, myself or someone like me should be right at your side to buy you a drink and be glad to be your friend.
