This week I will be answering questions. Enjoy!
My girlfriend wants to penetrate me with a strap on. It sounds like an OK idea. I mean, I have heard that stimulating the prostate can be quite pleasurable. Will this make me gay?
Don't worry. This will no more make you gay than using tampons will take a woman's maidenhead. Try it. You might find that you like it. Just take it slow and use plenty of lube. Also, you don't need to stop there. There are plenty of ways to stimulate the prostate. Hands work just fine, too. She might like it as well.
My mother sent me a horrible sweater. I am going to return it at Wal-Mart. What kind of sex toys do you think I can find there for $19.94?
There is a Harry Potter Broom that vibrates, but I am not sure how much it costs. You could also check out the electric toothbrush selection. Just remember, if you are going to stick it up your bum, use a condom and make sure that the object has a wide base. We don't want anything to get lost up there.
My boyfriend likes me to give him blow jobs. I don't mind doing it, but I don't really like the taste of semen. What should I do?
You are in luck, Spunky Girl. You are under no obligation to swallow anybody's love juices. But, if you like to go down on your guy, as you say you do, you can always use a condom. It is a good idea anyway, since condoms will also protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. Nobody wants gonorrhea in his or her throat.
Were you surprised when Rosie O'Donnell came out?
No. I have known this for one thousand years. I wasn't surprised by Ellen DeGeneres or George Michael either. People are stupid-crazy and in denial. My friends recently had a commitment ceremony. One of them told her parents, but the other did not. They have been together for four or five years. They have moved from state to state with each other. My friend who hasn't told her parents collects ""Star Wars"" toys, listens to punk music, wears bandanas and has not dated a boy since high school. Her parents don't know that she is gay. How can they not! Get over it! Your kid is gay! It is gonna be alright!
I cannot flirt. I don't know how. When I like someone, I seem to just act in a confusing fashion. It is almost though I am speaking Esperanto in Japan. Can you help me?
Well, I'm not one to talk. I speak Esperanto on the moon. However, I am told that eye contact is a very important thing. Also, you should touch people when you talk to them. You know, on the arm or something. Laughing at the things the object of your affections says is a good idea, too. This one is probably the toughest. Some people just aren't funny. Maybe they are not worth dating. I was walking around campus the other day near a boy and a girl. The boy said, ""Yeah, I wore a short sleeve shirt yesterday."" The girl said, ""OH MY GOD! You must have been so cold. Wow. I couldn't have worn a short-sleeved shirt yesterday. I had to wear a jacket. That is SO interesting."" Yeah, my butt that's interesting.
