As you know, but probably don't care, I am a teaching assistant for human sexuality. While this doesn't rate a blip on your radar screen, it is actually a significant part of my life. In part, it is because I love teaching and find my students to be genuinely amusing and likable people. That is very important to me. It is not, however, the reason human sexuality is so important to my life.
The real reason is because I have ceased to be able to talk about anything but sex. Ask everyone around me. Walk into my office. Join my friends and I for dinner. It is the only thing that we sex TAs ever discuss.
OK, that is a small lie.
But, the thing we talk about the very, very most is SEX. Vibrators, contraception, masturbation, strange positions, paraphilias and which flavors of lube taste the best. Seriously. We actually had a lubricant taste test the other day. Orange is revolting.
It actually gets quite boring. I find myself wishing that I could think about other things to talk about. Sex begins to seem as commonplace and constant as the tupperware in the back of my fridge. I feel like I have reluctantly become a sailor on leave, cursing and looking for the nearest brothel. In truth, I am all talk. In truth, I sometimes shy away from handshakes and high-fives. In truth, I find ainbow showers"" just as revolting as the next person.
This is why I want to write the things that I am about to write. For the record. Word of honor.
Virginity, celibacy and periods of abstinence are just fine. I don't mean that in some strange, uptight, moralistic way. I just mean that if people want to skip sex, it is A-OK. Every semester a student of mine will tell me that they like the class and all, but that we never talk about people who remain virgins in college. We don't even talk about people who are virgins in high school! We just talk about everybody getting it on.
I don't want to reveal too much information about myself here, but I was a virgin in high school. Not exactly by choice, but I really wasn't ready for it either. That is perfectly OK.
Plenty of people don't have sex until later in their lives. It is no big deal. It just seems like a big deal when you look around and think that every pair of eyes that you meet is connected to a body who has had sex and that that same pair of eyes is connected to a brain that can somehow tell that you have not.
I remember feeling so ashamed for not having sex as early as my peers did. At the age of 18 I felt like someone's spinster aunt, and that is just ridiculous. With every day that passed, I felt like I was pounding another nail into the coffin of my sexuality. I also felt like I was the only person in the world who hadn't had sex.
I remember in eighth grade deciding, despite my lifelong atheism, to become a nun. It seemed like the only real choice I had. As far as I could tell, I was never going to have sex. It was the only career option available.
I am telling you this not just to embarrass myself, though I seem to enjoy doing that, but also to let you know that it is OK. You aren't the only one. Relax.
