Dirk Nowitzki. Tony Parker. Yao Ming. Steve Nash. These are the faces of the enemy. Yes, gentle reader, if there is one thing I have learned from our nation's defender, John Ashcroft, it is that foreigners are dangerous subverts to our American culture.
Seeing as how these four men are not only foreigners but superior athletes, hence a greater threat to the U.S. of A. than the suckers locked up in Gitmo, I feel a patriotic obligation to bring them to justice. Am I the only one terrified that seven-foot Nazi ??bermann Dirk Nowitzki has the range of a shooting guard or that Chinese terror Yao Ming devours Houston area babies at the staggering rate of nine-per-hour?
Now, I'm no jingoistic, xenophobic bastard--for instance I loved Balki Bartokomous from \Perfect Strangers."" At the same time however, I'm not one to ""rock the boat"" of patriotic fervor gripping our nation like a dying Charlton Heston would grip his rifle. My fear is that with all of the media attention these days being shined upon the Middle East and North Korea, the fact that dangerous foreign agents leaking into America, via the NBA, like so many pesticides into topsoil, is lost on the back page of most newspapers.
For instance, such Canadian-controlled media outlets as ESPN and Sports Illustrated are portraying Steve Nash, a Canadian, as a gentleman and indeed even a classy spokesperson for the NBA. Meanwhile, in reality, Mr. Nash is funnelling his millions back into Canada and funding such programs as Canadians for Invading the United States, Eh and We're From America Too, Eh, North America.
Meanwhile skilled NBA player and French slimeball Tony Parker is busy not only on the court freakin' players every way like M.J., but also on the streets of Memphis sweeping up our American born ladies. No doubt that crafty Frenchman is using his slimeball French charm to make the ladies surrender quicker than Parker's homeland did to sie Germans back in World War Two.
Speaking of Germans, Dirk Nowitzki may very well be receiving MVP talk for his play this season. However, there's the small point of him funnelling his money into an al Qaeda terrorist cell based out of Hamburg, Germany.
Perhaps Mr. Ashcroft summed it up best at his latest press conference. ""Look, the fact remains no matter how many threes you drain this season the truth will come out and we will catch you, Dirk Nowitzki. The terrorists will not win.""
