Sara*...was the girl of my dreams. I was in fifth grade and had a stereotypical crush on the girl every pre-pubescent boy in Princeton shared. She had bright brown eyes with waist-length hair, and the only pair of boobs in the entire middle school. I finally got up the gumption to ask her to a movie, and to my astonishment she agreed. I had the transportation (my parents' mid-'80s minivan) all hooked up, and a stale old bottle of Old Spice acquired from my dad (and probably his dad before him) was sure to secure my place in Sara's heart forever.
My mom dropped us at the movie without incident, and a few short minutes into the film, I had to go to the bathroom. I was sly about the situation and asked her if she wanted something to eat or drink, and she simply replied that soda would be fine. I sprang into action and promptly returned with the drink.
However, promptly after sitting down is when the nightmare began. I realized that, in my haste, I had forgotten to zip up my fly.
I simply covered my gaping zipper with the soda cup while I formulated my plan. Then it came to me. I would simply tell her I wanted some Mike and Ikes, and one fatal motion, stand, turn and rezip all at once.
I promptly excused myself, stood, turned and then heard the slightest \Uhh..."" I quickly realized that her hair that I had so often admired had now become lodged in my zipper.
I quickly sat back down and tried to pull her hair from my zipper, but to no avail. Apparently, I was causing quite a commotion, and the theater owner himself turned on the lights, stopped the movie and promptly arrived at the scene with scissors in hand. He then detached us by hacking about a third of Sara's hair to an inch long, and kicked us out of the theater and banned us from ever returning.
So here is a fun story for you. I should have known not to go on a date with a guy I met at Club Amazon, but he was a friend of a friend and I was persuaded into it by my friend. (Trust me she had hell to pay afterward.)
He calls me the day after I met him and asks me to go to a graduation party and perhaps horseback riding at his parents' stable. The only reason I agreed to this was for the chance to ride some horses and with the persuasion of my friend.
So he picks me up in his old beat-up Beretta. Now I really don't care about cars, but this one scared me. First of all, there was not much of a dashboard and the ceiling was coming down on me.
His driving style scared the shit out of me. I am hanging on for dear life in the car because he is the biggest road rager I have ever seen. This boy invented new swear words I have never even heard of before. I was praying he would get pulled over and a nice cop would have to take me home.
Did I mention he came sporting a nice JNCO outfit with a shirt that went a little past his knees and a nice pair of black jean shorts?
In between cuss words, he decides to tell me his life story and all the drama he has had to deal with. I found out that he has a child, his father beat him as a child, he just graduated from high school last year (he is 21) and he has been in jail.
He also told me that I was going to change his life and make him a better person because I am a girl that has goals. Remind you, I just met him the day before. He ends up taking me to McDonald's for lunch, which I didn't mind actually. I somewhat expected it.
So after the fine cuisine at McDonald's we go to his house. I think ""Alright I get to ride horses!"" Umm... nope.
We get there and his dad is outside and my date decides to greet his dear old dad by saying, ""Hey fucker!"" His dad responds by calling him all kinds of profanities and they get into a screaming argument.
He brought out all of the family drama as I was standing there. Needless to say, I didn't get introduced to Dad and I didn't get to ride the horses.
Then we go to the graduation party (at least that is what I thought it was). He warns me in the car that I shouldn't listen to what anyone says about him. I ask him, ""Why aren't these people your friends?"" He responds by saying that they say bad things about him because nobody wants him to be happy.
We get to a house and the girl graduating was running out the door. Come to find out that I am not going to a graduation party (I thought they graduated college), I am going to Sun Prairie's high school graduation commencement ceremony.
Mind you, I just finished my junior year in college and I never had any intention of going to any more high school commencements after my own. He brought me to this house to introduce me to all his friends and his friend's parents as the new girl in his life.
When he left me alone with a couple of girls they warned me to lay off him. I ""ain't"" the kind of girl he needs. Trust me. I was not well liked by some of the girls.
Then we decide to go to Sun Prairie High School. Remember that this guy graduated last year, so he knows a lot of people here and mostly the ""bad"" crowd. I thought that guys on campus were immature; this guy raises the bar to extreme levels.
He and his friends were so disrespectful and rowdy that I wanted to start walking home. They are those people that scream out profanities when an elder is on stage and play immature games in the stands, like tying people's laces together and pulling people's legs from underneath the stands.
In addition, this guy is trying to be touchy-feely with me. I finally had enough and said that I had to be home right now because I forgot about something I had to do. Thank God he was parked in and he couldn't take me home. I called a friend and waited at a Big Mike's nearby for 45 minutes until she could pick me up. The guy continued to call me for the next two weeks and I was so glad that I had invested in caller ID.
I was a slightly less than popular cat in high school. Therefore I was shocked when I asked the hot field hockey star, Danielle, to go out with me and she said yes! Wow. We were going out for four months and she ended up being my first ""love.""
So for Valentine's Day junior year I decided to be ultra romantic. I got her car keys from her friends and decorated her car in the school parking lot. I filled it with roses, poems, pictures and balloons. She loved it.
Then, a few hours later, I went to her house to pick he up for dinner and who did I see ""really getting it on"" in the back seat of the decorations? Danielle and her neighbor, who was also the captain of the soccer team I was on! I ended up sharing a box of chocolates with my mom watching ""David Letterman.""
First of all, I had to meet my date at his place--there was no offer to pick me up! We decided to go to a movie, but my date hadn't checked the times, so we got to the theater and had to wait for an hour.
We had absolutely nothing to say to each other. We ended up seeing the next movie that played, which I had already seen twice. Then we went back to his place. I got in my car to drive home when I found a dead raccoon on my car. Apparently his friends found out we were going on a date and thought it would be funny to put roadkill on the hood of my car. I absolutely hate wild animals, dead or alive, so needless to say, I was not pleased! It was the perfect ending to that night, though!
