Laziest Sex Columnist in the World Challenge:
OK. I admit it. I am totally stuck. I only write this column once every four weeks and yet I never have anything to tell you guys. It is a real stretch sometimes. I've just begged everyone I know to give me a topic, but to no avail. And no one will write this column for me. So, here is the scoop: I am going to enlist your help, kind reader. Send me a short, short, very short recounting of the most ridiculous thing that you believed about sex when you were a little kid. I will run as many of the ones that tickle me most as I can fit in a column. Send an email to me at theweeklypiece@yahoo.com. Look for the \winners"" in four weeks. Why is ""winners"" in quotes? Because there is no prize other than your pseudonym in print. Here are some common examples:
Penises are completely smooth (a misconception held primarily by girls).
The clitoris is on the inside of the vagina (a misconception held primarily by young adult men).
All babies are born by caesarean section.
Women poo out babies.
Men pee in women to fertilize the egg.
Your parents only had sex once.
Your grandparents have never had sex ever.
Vaginas are a storage place for lint.
If someone kisses you, they have to marry you.
Blow jobs actually involve blowing.
Men ejaculate a quart of semen.
Nipples don't get hard but are just flat, decorative flesh discs.
People are hairless around their genitalia.
Sperm goes into the woman's body through osmosis.
The amount of blood loss after rupturing the hymen is equivalent to cutting a major artery.
The boy who sat next to me who constantly thrust his pelvis into his tote tray was not trying to stimulate himself.
If people touch me they, will be able to read my mind and then they will know that I am frequently thinking about sex.
So, hit me with your best shot, kids. Your entries should be between one and six sentences long. Stories that reveal personal names or characteristics will be tossed out summarily.
