What... the... hell? I have seen a guy vomit on his girlfriend while trying to cheer. I have seen countless men and women pass out and fall all over each other in the stands at Camp Randall. I have even seen a football make an improbable bounce off an incompetent freshman, resulting in an illegitimate victory for an inconceivably overrated opposition. But I have never seen something so embarrassing as I did Saturday.
Who made the decision to nix some of the best traditions of our Camp Randall generation? Which wise sage had the following thought process: \Well, these kids look like they're having too much fun. Maybe we should refuse to play the best songs at Camp Randall and not tell them a damn thing about it.""
And I don't blame the football program. I blame them for almost choking out there against an inferior squad like Akron, but this outrage is obviously not their fault. But the buck needs to stop somewhere.
And I know we're not supposed to blame Coach Alvarez for this. Because Lord knows that he has never stood in the way between us and the chaos we create...
...except for that time last year when we were gagged by the coach against Ohio State. Something about being ""classy"" yet, at the same time, maintaining the reputation of being the most intimidating place to play football in the Big Ten. Which makes all the sense in the world since we maintain that reputation because we are anything but.
So we're supposed to still have the most intimidating atmosphere at Camp Randall while using none of our most intimidating cheers. Yeah, that makes as much sense as ... oh, I don't know, running on three consecutive plays up the middle while you have one of the best receiving corps in the country or something like that. You know, crazy and implausible, right?
But wait, why am I complaining? We have the band right? And their... ABBA. So you Camp Randall crooks stole House of Pain and left us with ABBA? Let me get this straight: You geniuses took out some of the greatest stadium anthems and replaced them with a disco song that wouldn't even make TimeLife's Super Hits of the 1970s? What's next? AC/DC replaced by Hilary Duff?
I am not a glutton for tradition, but there are ones worth practicing. You could take away the wave, take away the ""Shoot him like a horse"" cheer or even take away the practice of throwing inflatable penises out of the stadium. But don't take away those songs.
Those songs were one of the reasons I plopped down $120 for season tickets for my senior year. I'm not a rich man, but I enjoy rich experiences. ""Jump Around"" is an intricate part of our common experience. ""O sucks"" is an important part of that experience. ""Rock and Roll"" is part of that experience. We have jumped when there was no hope for a Badger win, and we have jumped when there was no other outcome than a Badger win. And should these traditions die, a piece of Camp Randall dies with it.
And that is something you cannot renovate.
