Light up your menorah and grab the communion wine-The Associated Students of Madison made it easier to worship God!
Last Wednesday, the Student Services Finance Committee voted in favor of making two religious groups-the UW Roman Catholic Foundation and the Jewish Cultural Collective-eligible for a slice of the $19 million available to student organizations every year.
First Amendment issues aside, the real reason the two religious groups will take flack from seg-fee opponents is because the opponents don't want to finance groups in which they have no interest or involvement. I sympathize with that to a point, but wouldn't you rather have that $300 go to a group helping students instead of a professor helping him- or herself to another BMW convertible?
The way I see it, any group that gets you out of your dorm or apartment and away from \Road Rules,"" reruns, impelling you to be involved with a cause, is worth $300 out of my tuition every semester.
A lot of students around the nation go to college and just go to class, study and watch inane MTV programming for four years. I think that's a waste, especially when there's beer to drink and causes to fight for.
There's no valid excuse for not maximizing your time as a student here-well, unless you went on a four-year bender.
In the spirit of the myriad of acronym-atic SSFC-funded groups, I'm proposing a new student organization which I feel would stimulate involvement on campus.
The group will be called ""SADISM""-Students Against Dumb Idiots Sucking up Madison. SADISM would exist as an umbrella organization comprised of many different branches designed to counter the threat to our city posed by morons doing moronic things.
To incite involvement, every branch of SADISM will tackle a different type of idiot, and students could join whichever they felt most endeared to. For example, one branch would be entirely devoted to curbing the idiocy generated by the high-schoolers who visit their significant others and subsequently ruin awesome events like Halloween and Mifflin for the rest of us.
SADISM will also seek to reduce the army of panhandlers infiltrating the borders of our campus. I'm all for helping out the less fortunate whenever I can, but I start to wonder if my spare change is really doing any good when I see the same guy outside of Walgreens day after day for months on end.
If you're going to buy booze with the change you shake down from caring college students, fine, but don't lie about it. If some bum came up to me and said, ""Hey man, spare any change? I just ran out of scotch and I need to keep this buzz going,"" I'd pull out a 20-dollar bill for him right there on the spot.
We all know there are idiots other than nimrod high school seniors and pesky panhandlers bringing down the appeal of Madison. SADISM will impede their foolhardy ways, either through an impressive exhibition of force or maybe just a good brow-beating.
So join me this Thursday night at 6 p.m. over in Bascom Hall to discuss how to terminate the proliferation of morons in our city, and blow all our SSFC funding on kegs of Natty Light.
writePNL@yahoo.com.
