Kurt Vonnegut, the acclaimed author of such landmark novels as \Slaughterhouse Five"" and ""Cat's Cradle,"" spoke Monday at 7:30 p.m. at the Wisconsin Union Theater.
A capacity crowd packed the theater and scores of others who could not obtain tickets watched the lecture on a projection screen in the Rathskeller.
Throughout his 50-minute speech, Vonnegut maintained a comical tone as he addressed topics ranging from politics to literature to Martians.
Several times, Vonnegut, a self-proclaimed Democrat, criticized the Bush administration's policies.
""They have created such a massive debt that our children, whom we had such high hopes for, will be born as poor as church mice,"" he said.
Vonnegut particularly lampooned Bush's war on terrorism.
""A whole lot of people will make a whole lot of money defending us from terrorists,"" he said.
At one point, Vonnegut offered a few morsels of lighthearted advice for the aspiring writers in the crowd.
""If you really want to hurt your parents and you don't have the nerve to become a homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts,"" he said.
Mocking even himself, the 80-year-old writer cracked jokes about the effects of aging.
""What's it like to be this old?"" he said. ""Well, I can't parallel park a car worth a damn anymore.""
During a lengthy segment of the lecture, Vonnegut used a blackboard on stage to graph the narrative arcs of several works of literature. Bantering wittily as he drew, he compared ""Hamlet,"" Kafka's ""Metamorphosis"" and ""Cinderella"" to cliched devices he called ""man falls in hole"" and ""boy meets girl.""
Occasionally, Vonnegut would interrupt himself with a bizarre non sequitur.
""The bad news is the Martians have landed in New York City and are staying at the Waldorf,"" he said. ""The good news is they only eat homeless men, women and children, and they pee gasoline.""
Vonnegut concluded his lecture by sharing his view on the uncertainty of life.
""We don't know enough about life to know what is the good news and what is the bad news,"" he said. ""We can only pretend.""
After ending his speech, Vonnegut beckoned the sound engineer to ""start the music."" As the crowd rose to its feet and roared in applause, he waltzed off the stage to the bouncing melody of Strauss' ""Blue Danube.""
