Only breakfast allows you the opportunity each morning to break the fast of the night before with life-giving foods such as eggs, cereal, fruits and yogurt. Breakfast is the great equalizer in terms of man. From the mightiest king to the lowest serf, breakfast is what everyone wants.
Personally, I favor a breakfast consisting of the following elements: some fresh fruit, some cereal, some yogurt and a television with reruns of \Saved by the Bell"" playing. Yep, nothing satisfies more than those elements, at least for me. Ahh, I can picture it now. The crunch of a big bite of Frosted Flakes in my mouth as a commercial for Frosted Flakes blares on the T.V. screen. Almost on cue Mr. Tony the Tiger adding ""They're GRRReat!"" And I'll chime in merrily, ""Goddamned right, Tony. Goddamned right.""
Then as ""Saved by the Bell"" comes back from the commercial break I'll take a swig of apple juice as Zach contemplates breaking out of the hospital incognito after a disturbing dream about his own demise following knee surgery. Meanwhile, Mr. Belding will be fretting over Zach's well-being with Screech haranging him about a possible lawsuit, all while I blissfully consume a fresh bowl of California-grown strawberries, lightly sprinkled with confectioners' sugar.
For those early 11 a.m. kickoffs, breakfast once again comes to the rescue. What better way is there to recover from a night of hardcore Friday night binge drinking than with more binge drinking? There is no better way. And the perfect breakfast drink to get you fighting mad about Bucky Badger is the bloody mary. Yes, whether you use Absolut or Siberian Ice, there is no question about three parts vodka, two parts tomato juice, and both Tabasco sauce and Worcestershire sauce getting you revved up for another long day of Jim Sorgi getting choked. And for those in the audience not so comfortable with drinking on an empty stomach, the perfect remedy is scrambled eggs and potatoes with bloody mary there to help you wash it all down.
In the wintertime when the Badgers are done playing and the warm sunny confines of Bayside High seem oh-so-far away, one can always sidle up to a big, hot bowl of oatmeal and a steaming plate of buckwheat pancakes to help one stop staring down the business end of a .45 and get out and do some fun wintertime stuff, such as going back to bed and forgetting about the long and horrid Madison winters.
So there you have it. Breakfast kicks ass! So much ass, that it's tough to keep track of at times. But just watch ""Saved by the Bell"" while eating breakfast, drink Bloody Mary's before football games and eat pancakes through the winter.
