Four Star Video Heaven and I have a great relationship. I rent Woody Allen movies and they don't judge me. They stock prodigious amounts of animated porn and I don't judge them. But during a visit last week, I felt uncharacteristically self-conscious. While perusing the animation, I felt ashamed of my choice. But it wasn't naughty cartoon nurses or naughty cartoon detectives that I wanted. My rental choice was \Finding Nemo.""
Last year, I wouldn't have been ashamed. But over the summer, I indulged my inner child and it led to one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. At the time, I had a fun internship that divided my time between interesting analytical work and hurried messenger runs. Messenger runs are tiring, but with Andrew WK's first album and a cold drink, it was actually pretty fun. At least it was until one fateful day.
It was a hot New York July day and my bosses needed me to go from the downtown office to somewhere all the way uptown. When I was finally heading back, I needed relief. I looked into my CD case and saw exactly what I needed: the soundtrack from ""The Lion King.""
Don't laugh. You still have your copy. You know every word to ""Can You Feel the Love Tonight?"" And if you don't, you're just a cold, empty shell of a human being, lurching miserably through a soulless existence. But you're also free from the oppression I face.
When it comes to movie taste, my inner child is very much alive. There's no dust on my copies of ""The Cricket in Times Square"" or ""Free to Be... You & Me."" My eBay purchase record consists entirely of Muppet fare, like ""Don't Eat the Pictures"" and ""Fraggle Rock."" But when you share my not-so-manly taste, you have to keep it quiet or people judge you. That's where my subway trip went wrong.
The 2-Train was particularly loud that day, so I had no choice but to raise the volume on my Discman. Suddenly, the train ground to a halt between stops, which is the quietest the subway ever gets. This silence came just as ""Hakuna Matata"" barreled into its first chorus, with a dozen people surrounding me and the volume up high. Never before or since have I gotten such dirty, judgmental looks.
And that's what I thought about, as I stood in Four Star, desperate to rent ""Finding Nemo."" People would stare. People would laugh. The entire Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority would be waiting outside to question my manhood.
But I rented ""Finding Nemo"" anyway and I loved it. I wore cuddly pajamas and ate an entire bag of Mint Milanos. And I'm not afraid to admit that for 95 minutes of my life, my biggest concern was the safety of a cartoon juvenile clownfish.
Acknowledging my inner five-year old was exactly what I needed. Instead of worrying about my classes and love life, sometimes I need to be transported to the days when I was sure I would grow up to be a marine biologist and marry the girl in my class on whom I had an impossible crush. And the next time I listen to ""Hakuna Matata"" in public and somebody gives me a dirty look, I know exactly what to say.
""Hey man, it means no 'worries'.""
amosap@hotmail.com.
