Something odd is unfolding in the Japanese toy industry. The country's declining birthrate is leading to a corresponding decrease in its traditional clientele-children.
Enter Primopuel, or \first boy,"" an interactive doll with a 280-phrase repertoire and the demeanor of a five-year-old child. Toy maker Bandai is successfully marketing it to Japan's working adults, not as a fluffy, portable incarnation of President Bush, but as a kind of virtual family member, gaining immense popularity within this contingent.
Once the euphoria that comes with discovering a sect that can safely be deemed more pathetic than I abated-for my figmental friends aren't tangible objects-something struck me: Could this company be not only capitalizing on Japan's population predicament, but perpetuating it?
It seems plausible. Bandai is not only edging out its competitors by claiming the expanded adult market, but by offering a product which can essentially serve as an ideal replacement for a child, it is also paving the way to even fewer births and thereby greater profits.
But can the joy derived from owning a talking doll that looks like the progeny of an illicit affair between a Teletubby and a Keebler elf even begin to compare to that gleaned from generating and raising a new life form? Perhaps not, but for the practical-minded, there are several key advantages inherent in the Primopuel.
Foremost, with a price tag equivalent to about $63, considering the benefits reaped, Primopuel presents a far more cost-effective alternative to a child. You need never assume the cost of feeding it, educating it or bailing it out of jail. The likelihood of coffer-draining custody battles is also practically nil.
Along those lines, Primopuel cannot be scarred by your behavior. If after a rough day all it takes is one falsetto ""Hug me!"" to snap your sole string of patience and propel you over the precipice, you can fire as unseemly a response as you please at the offending automaton without worry of marring the developing psyche of an actual person.
Those less concerned with ethical matters as with legal and financial ramifications of abuse or neglect will also find Primopuel an amiable pal. Those pesky social services agents aren't going to be slapping you with summons or fines if you mistakenly leave it in the car one 90-degree afternoon or one day actualize the urge to kick it down a flight of stairs for pure amusement. It's even better than having a pet!
Indeed, Primopuel is an ideal choice for those seeking companionship with minimal commitment, as it eliminates the hassle of maintaining a reciprocal emotional connection. And unlike a child, if it starts rattling your nerves, you have the ever-present options of removing its batteries, letting the dog chew on it or putting it up on eBay. No need to waste time crafting insanity defenses or staging ""accidents"" with the mini-blind cords.
Finally, no partner is needed in order to acquire one of these lovable critters, loosing one more limit to their dissemination. The ensuing propagation of Primopuels would therefore, theoretically, lead to even fewer births. I suppose it's your call whether this represents an insidious loop of corporate population domination coming full circle, or merely natural selection at work.
flamingpurvis@yahoo.com.
