Dear Paris,
My name is Pete. I am 20 years old and currently a sophomore at the University of Wisconsin, where I hope to major in journalism and either history or political science. I enjoy listening to classic rock, cruising on my moped and spending time with friends and family.
I don't watch much TV, but this past Thanksgiving Break (about a week-long vacation from classes) I was able to forget about homework and studying for a few days and get in some quality veg-time in front of the tube.
I saw some great television programs, like \I Love the '80s: Strikes Back"" and reruns of ""Kids in the Hall,"" but to be perfectly honest, YOU were what caught my eye the most! It seems like every channel I turned to, from CNN to E! to The History Channel, there you were in your elegant beauty.
I have a confession to make: I don't really know who you are. That is, I don't know what you do. I'm sure you're a famous movie star or musician or something along those lines, but unfortunately, I couldn't quite figure out what exactly it is you are so famous and well recognized for.
Although everybody knows your name is ""Paris,"" no one around here has been able to fill me in on your exact occupation. I'm sure you've won a couple of Academy Awards for your brilliant acting work, or maybe your album debuted at No. 1 on the Billboard charts this past month or something like that.
I'm a little embarrassed to say this, Paris, but after seeing you all over the TV lately, I think I'm developing a tiny crush on you! Maybe we could go out sometime, you know, like on a date, maybe go to a movie or get something to eat. I know a wonderful Italian restaurant we could go to-they serve the best fettuccini alfredo!
Oh, I'm sorry, Paris. Look at me; we haven't even been personally introduced yet and already I'm being too forward! Ha-ha, I must come across as some crazy fan. I bet you get a lot of those. You seem so regal and worldly, people just can't help becoming enamored with you.
Last semester (a half-year academic term at most schools) I promised myself I wouldn't use my weekly column space to discuss famous people, mostly because there are hundreds of publications that deal in daily lives of celebrities, and I don't anymore.
But Paris, I just had to make an exception for you. You're so famous and distinguished, it would be a crime if I didn't acknowledge you. I mean, what kind of journalist would I be if I failed to add another 550 words to your ever-swelling mountain of public attention? I just couldn't live with myself if I let you down.
Maybe the solution to our problems is this whole school thing. I could drop out of college, kiss all my responsibilities goodbye, and join you on the party circuit! Yeah, that'd be so much fun-I mean, I like to party, you like to party-we're basically made for each other!
So good luck with your next movie or studio album recording! I'm sure whatever your next project is, it's going to be a critical and commercial success. I believe in you!
Have a great week, Paris, and whenever you send the limo to pick me up is cool, because I'll be here waiting at my apartment.
writePNL@yahoo.com.
