Each year, UHS offers end-of-the-semester stress-busting tips. They are things like \eat breakfast before morning exams"" and ""take regular stretch breaks during long periods of studying."" These suggestions may help you deal with the pressure of finals, but frankly, they're not going to make you feel any better. I suggest the following:
It needs to be easily identifiable and omnipresent. This year, for instance, I selected Burberry scarves. These plaid scarves, a classic English style costing upward of $200, are traditionally paired with long wool coats to stave off London's winter chill.
On campus, they're frequently worn with short North Face jackets and snug jeans or sweatpants tucked into clunky suede winter boots. This look is the female version of Lloyd and Harry post-Aspen shopping spree in ""Dumb and Dumber.""
These can be review sessions with enchanting, attractive classmates, study-lunches with close and extremely distracting friends, or periods of studying solo while watching a televised sporting event.
Alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, sugar, whatever-in no way should you view finals as the time to buckle down, clean up your act or clear your head. Any one of these mistakes will lead you to some sort of self-improvement, the most stressful act of all. You may think staying well-hydrated and calm will aid your concentration, but should you attempt to do so, I will personally hunt you down and put LSD in your Fresca.
The best choice is an obvious second-layer garment, such as a distinctive flannel or brightly colored sweatshirt. Like a faithful pet, its familiar presence will comfort you in your moments of trial. More importantly, you will appear so studious you neglected to change clothes, an impression that will erode your class mates' confidence each time they see you around campus.
Start down one of the reserve's many hiking paths and you'll feel the tension slip away immediately. Follow winding trails through native hardwoods, and don't be surprised if a misstep sends you thigh-deep into swamp muck. Struggling will only make you sink deeper. You'll forget your finals as the gently rolling hills deaden your frantic screams.
Look into a puppy's eyes and explain that most campus landlords don't allow dogs, but you'll gladly adopt any cat smart enough to crap in a box.
This works best in large lectures. You'll find the one-time release of all your frustrations with professors-at-large cathartic and freeing. Don't let the warning of ""Departments use these evaluations in making hiring and tenure decisions"" worry you. This time of year is stressful enough.
Louie is a senior majoring in journalism. He doesn't know al the answers but welcomes your questions at chunkkicke@yahoo.com.
