It was a chilly Wednesday evening, but inside the Blue Velvet Lounge, 430 W. Gilman St., there were much bigger problems than blustering winds, missing scarves and organic chemistry midterms. There was drinking indecision.
A young woman stepped to the bar with a lost look in her eyes.
\What'll you have?"" the bartender asked.
No response. The bartender tried a new approach.
""Name a color.""
""Green,"" the customer said.
The bartender jumped into action and quickly chilled, shaked and poured a tall and strikingly green drink. The drink is made with Midori, garnished with fresh orange and was very strange to look at. The young woman tried it.
""Tell me that's not the best drink you've ever had,"" the bartender said.
The customer nodded in approval and the bartender flashed a victorious grin.
When he is working behind the bar, Joe Mueller often has the look of a boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It's an appropriate look, since Madison bartenders serve as gatekeepers to the college kid's cookie jar.
But if one spends an evening with a bartender on duty, patrons will learn that the job, when done right, is more than just pouring drinks and collecting money. It's a studied mix of chemistry, economics and listening to OutKast until their ears bleed. And for the segments of the population willing to indulge in Madison's most treasured vice, bartenders also take on a unique role as community pillars.
Originally from La Crosse, Mueller graduated from UW-Madison last May with a degree in history.
""I'm German,"" he explained. ""I was studying to take over the world.""
While he was a student, Mueller worked as a bouncer at the State, 118 State Street, for two years before starting to bartend and moving over to the Blue Velvet Lounge, where he has been for three years. Now, he works five nights a week at the leather-furnished Gilman Street favorite, and finds himself staying as late as 2:45 a.m. on weeknights and 3 a.m. on the weekends.
""People used to always say, 'Joe, why do you work so much? You should go out.' But I work in a bar. What would I do if I went out? I would go to the bar.""
On a Wednesday night, you can really see the bar become a community experience for both the customers and the bartenders. Most of the people out on the town are in a low-key mindset, while a healthy stream of regulars file in throughout the night.
""It's sexy, sexy Joe,"" said one regular as she walked into the bar.
""It's sexy Joe Joe,"" followed her companion.
But the bar is populated by more than just the friendly regulars, and Mueller has plenty of war stories.
""The worst is on football Saturdays when old guys come and get plastered and try to hit on college girls,"" he said. ""This one guy came in one time, completely hammered. He whips out a certain sexual part of himself and just starts spinning around on his bar stool. Then he tries to buy some girl a drink while he's still hanging out.""
Mueller was forced to remove the man from the bar, even though the exhibitionist and his friends did not seem to think that showing off nature's gifts was a violation of proper bar conduct.
""Yeah, we tend to frown on that,"" Mueller clarified.
But whether the crowd is frenzied or laid back, fully clothed or au natural, it always comes back to the alcohol. And when it comes to the hooch, opinions and favorites are in high supply. Mueller is partial to Wild Turkey, but in spite of the bar's range of martinis and beer, he said the most popular drink is the vodka tonic.
""They all drink Grey Goose,"" he says. ""But the smart ones drink Belvedere.""
It is common to see off-duty employees of the bar coming in-a frequent occurrence in Madison establishments. So, is it because they like the bar or that they suffer from the Stockholm Syndrome, in which hostages grow attached to their captors?
""A little bit of both,"" said Mueller. ""But everyone comes here because they like it.""
But on Wednesday nights especially, one gets to see the staff kid around with each other and with the customers in the lulls between drinks. It's also the time when you can absorb the most wisdom. Mueller refuses to make flaming drinks, because he once saw a co-worker's face catch fire. Cooler than fiery martinis is the Incredible Hulk, a mixture of Hypnotiq and Hennessy that turns green when stirred.
One can also learn bar economics. For instance, one Fleischmann's gin and tonic pays for the whole bottle of Fleischmann's.
At the end of a rather quiet night, the bartenders at the Blue Velvet Lounge had prepared dozens of mixed drinks, beers and shots. For most Madisonians, a night like that is a trip to the hospital-if they're lucky. But for Joe Mueller and company, it's just another night on the job. Bartenders make up an underappreciated segment of our peers. A little time spent with one can solve a lot of unanswered questions.
And sometimes, all it takes is for the patron to name a color.
