After spending countless hours and millions of dollars on research and development-errr... a few cans of Miller Lite and a Big Mike's sub-I have come to the conclusion that there are approximately five truly amazing days of Madison weather during the entire school year.
By some stroke of fantastic luck, last Thursday, Friday and Saturday turned out to be three of the most beautiful days I have ever experienced in Madison, bar none.
Wherever I found myself on campus last week, from Bascom Hill to the Memorial Union Terrace, from Library Mall to the piers of Lake Mendota, UW-Madison was outdoors en masse, enjoying the stunning weather. Nearly everyone was outside soaking up the sun with the aid of friends, a good book or a few good pitchers, peeling away the winter-hardened layers of wool and melancholy by lazing about in the open air.
Friday was particularly spectacular, as the nice weather convinced me to ditch the textbooks and split time between relaxing on Bascom and lounging by the lake. While zooming between these hot spots on my moped, I saw what had to be hundreds of tour groups full of excited potential Badgers, mouths agape at the collegiate paradise that lay before them, a delicious sea of tank tops, bathing suits and general irresponsibility.
I am usually cognizant of the daily campus tour groups, probably because I always get the urge to run up to them with arms flailing and yelling something about how Bush sleeps in my closet at night and tells me to do things, or how Bucky Badger is a really an alien named \Quaaz'morg,"" but this time I was taken aback by the sheer volume and number of tour groups.
No matter where I turned, a tour group was always in sight. It's almost as if the university had hundreds upon hundreds of prospective students hidden away in some holding tank under the Red Gym, imprisoning them until the weather was absolutely perfect for a tour of the school.
That gave me a great idea-the university and the city of Madison should team up to purchase a gigantic plastic dome which would envelope the entire campus, State Street and Capitol Square. By using space-aged technology that I could never explain (that's why we have engineers, people), the most vital areas of Madison could conceivably be kept at a comfortable 70 degrees day and night, even in the dead of winter.
I know it sounds far-fetched, but think about it-my proposed ""ClimaBubble"" would make Madison the number-one tourist destination in the Midwest, providing year-round climate-control to ensure that every day is as beautiful as last Friday.
Thanks to my ClimaBubble, everybody wins-the university will attract millions of the best prospective freshmen and graduate students, the city will benefit from added tourist revenue and property value increase, and thousands of jobs will be created for the upkeep of the ClimaBubble.
Move over, San Francisco. Step aside, Montpelier. Forget protests and resolutions, the real way for Madison to regain its status as the most independent, progressive and unique city in America is to make my ClimaBubble a reality.
Hopefully the weather stays beautiful straight through October. If not, I guess we have the absence of a ClimaBubble to blame.
Peter can be reached at writePNL@yahoo.com.
