I have spent the last few weeks looking at children's books, and have noticed a disturbing trend-there are more R-rated books in that section than there are in mainstream adult books, no joke. Want a book about boogers? Poop? Scabs? Homosexuality or other politically-charged issues? Go to the children's section. What started probably as tongue-in-cheek humor with a book called \Everybody Poops"" has grown into a frightening amalgamation of books that I am not sure I'd even recommend to a sober adult.
I'm not certain when or why the shift occurred from the type of books I used to read-such as ""Hop on Pop"" (my father almost put me through a wall for trying that while he napped on the couch) and ""Aesop's Fables,"" to these books that go into sometimes overwhelming detail on topics some parents probably don't want their children to fixate on.
However, all of my friends who are mothers swear by them.
""Whatever gets my kids to read is fine by me,"" I heard more than once.
But that mentality is what has led us to where we are today, publishing children's books such as-and I am so not making this up-""Walter the Farting Dog.""
Allow me to give you a brief rundown of the book. It seems most dogs have a special trick they perform. Some fetch tennis balls. Some roll over. I think we can all guess what Walter's trick is.
Well, Walter is adopted by two children, who bring him home in spite of the fact that he is seriously stinky.
They bathe him to ease the odor problem, but quickly deduce-from the bubbles in the bathtub, no less-that their dog may be a tad flatulent.
This incessant habit quickly escalates into a problem in the household. Father decrees that the dog must be examined by a vet.
The illustration, shown above, depicts the doggie doctor looking into the, um, offending area with a magnifying glass before diagnosing the problem as-and this is a direct quote from the book-""'Farting,' said the vet, 'or rectal flatulence, as we say in the medical profession.'""
I can't help feeling dad got screwed on that veterinary bill.
Logistics aside, what a great sentence for a kid to try sounding out phonetically. Can't you just see Junior, curled up in Mommy's arms, proudly showing off his new reading skills? ""Ree..., um, rec...taaaaa..""
Back to the story. They change the dog's diet, nothing works. Dad is tweaking out. Uncle Irv even comes over, drops one and gets away with blaming the dog.
Dad decides the dog has to go. The kids are sad. The night before Walter is returned to the pound, he resolves to ""hold in his farts forever,"" hoping the family will let him stay.?? He puffs up to the size of the couch.
Then, while the family sleeps,?? robbers break into the house, and the dog is too swollen and full of gas to attack them.
I think we all know where the author is going with this. Let me just skip to the end and tell you the dog is a hero, and gets to stay.
For a 20-something college student, the book is hilarious. But for a 5-year-old? I'm not so sure.
