Due to multiple people telling me that they are still crafting their arguments for which is the best sports video game ever, I am extending the debate until next week. Submissions are still encouraged.
Now on to an appropriate April Fool's topic: job evaluation.
Here's the scenario: Imagine that you're the CEO of a company in a highly-competitive field. Your company was god awful before you came. In fact, your company's name was the equivalent to mud 15 years ago. You were a punchline to a bad joke: No one laughed and no one took it seriously.
Then you hired a competent middle manager. Not just competent; let's say really, really good. So good, that he had your company among the top firms in your field. Unfortunately, the employees he brought in and hired were causing some problems. One got caught with coke (no, not the delicious cola, but the controlled Colombian substance) at the company picnic. He also was arrested for beating his girlfriend. But since it wasn't on company time, your middle manager let him continue to work. In fact, you give him a raise for overall increase in
productivity.
As the years roll on, the company gets better and better. And your middle manager's department is leading the way. In fact, he recruits and oversees the most productive employee in the history of your company and the industry. Things are going well. He's winning awards for his department and you're winning acclaim as one of the top companies in the country. You give him a raise and all seems well.
But then five years ago, the pesky press got ahold of some incriminating stories. First, some company employees got busted getting free shoes ... eh, I mean software from a distributor. Then one of your favorite middle manager's employees got caught trying to slyly heist a $5,000 HDTV. But your manager kept him on board. Another one of his star employees was arrested for kicking down a door. Oddly enough, it was in the same building where another one of his employees beat up a pizza delivery guy (he's still with the company).
Then there are the handful of reported domestic beatings, substancebusts, bar fights and bail jumpings that have ocurred under your middle manager's watch. Oddly enough, not one of his employees was fired. Not even the one that's currently on trial for sexual assualt (although he did receive an unpaid five-day vacation). While they didn't really affect his unit's performance in the office directly, it has made the company a bit of a joke around the country for its lax policies.
Additionally, his unit's performance has lagged in recent years. Compared to attending the industry's prestigious conference in Pasadena three times, his unit has only been to the less-than-prestigious conferences in El Paso, San Antonio and Nashville. Expectations are high, and according to some industry experts, your company hasn't performed up to them.
You're now ready to take a well-deserved retirement. But who is to succeed you? And what of this lenient manager? It's obvious that he's not devious in any way, it's just that he coddles his employees a bit too much when they get into trouble. You could:
a) Fire him before you leave.
b) Keep him, while hiring an outsider who will be stricter than you were.
c) Keep him, and hire someone who'll be just as lenient as you
Well Mr. CEO, you always were an \outside-the-box"" sort of thinker. So you hire your middle manager, allow him to control both the company and his unit, while ignoring any concerns about a conflict of interest. That doesn't seem to be the most logical step, but hey, you seem to know what you're doing.
Oh, where are my manners? On a completely unrelated note, good luck to football Head Coach Barry Alvarez as he takes over Pat Richter's job today as Athletic Director.
And Happy April Fool's Day! Especially to those to whom the day is named for.
Michael Jones is a senior majoring in international relations and political science. He can be reached with comments at mikejones@dailycardinal.com.
