Meet Media.
Media is five-just starting kindergarten. Media likes trucks, bugs, baseball and imitating his big brother. Media also likes words full of action such as-blow up! Parade! Destruction!
So when old Mr. Kerry began his campaign for Mister President by sitting on his ass, Media wasn't thrilled. Void of attacking, bashing, disclosing or even much rallying, the Kerry campaign consisted of one bland word after another.
And Media felt sad. Finally, after trying and trying, Media found two action words linked to the Kerry campaign. The words tickled Media's ears and danced in his silly little brain.
Those glorious words were flip and flop.
Media clapped and giggled as the words tumbled from his tongue over and over.
\Flip-flop! Flip-flopper! Flip-flopping!"" he would shout proudly at the dinner table as his parents exchanged concerned glances.
After a while, people everywhere heard about the little boy who cried flip-flop. And ultimately, word got around to Mr. Kerry.
""The public's gone mad!"" Mr. Kerry's assistant cried breathlessly. ""They're running recklessly through the streets yelling 'flip-flop, flip-flopper, flip-flopping!'""
Mr. Kerry scrunched up his nose. He was not happy. He wanted people to call him 'Mister President,' not 'Old Mr. Flip-flopper.' He knew he had to change something.
So he thought.
And thought.
And thought.
And by the time Media's sixth birthday came around, Mr. Kerry produced an idea.
""I think I will use new words. The public will forget about flip and flop and start repeating what I say!"" Mr. Kerry exclaimed to his assistant.
And so it was.
Mr. Kerry began slamming his opposition, decrying, fighting, screaming, exclaiming and kicking his campaign for Mister President into high gear.
And Media was happy. Media knew explosions were going on in other parts of the world, but he was most concerned with Mr. Kerry's exploding campaign right here in his own cozy, little country.
""Bush is inept! He's a dirty, old, lying pile of-""
Media's mom had to wash his mouth out with soap that week.
But Media didn't care. As the suds dribbled from his mouth, Media's face molded into a perfect smile. Finally, he had lots of fun words to play with.
Back at his office, Mr. Kerry was smiling too.
""Well, Mr. Kerry. You've done it, sir,"" his assistant cheered. ""The people are beginning to change their favorite words. You've bent over backwards, and now you're doing cartwheels around 'flip and flop'.""
Mr. Kerry shot his assistant a look. Mr. Kerry didn't like his assistant's corny gymnastics pun. Not one bit.
But he was beginning to like the way things were going.
""If I get to be Mr. President, I'm going to buy that Media kid a pony,"" Mr. Kerry promised himself (for he had already learned never to promise anything out loud). ""If it weren't for him, I'd probably still be flipping and flopping, and even my own Democrats would hate me!""
Mr. Kerry glanced at his calendar and sighed.
He just hoped he had enough time...
Emily is a junior majoring in sociology and journalism. Her column runs every Tuesday in The Daily Cardinal. She can be reached at ewinter@wisc.edu.
