It's pretty hard to provoke much of a reaction from most Madisonians these days when it comes to Halloween. Creepy costumes stopped being scary when we were little kids, and now, most costumes are only scary in how clich??d they are-if any more people dress as Richie Tenenbaum or wear a bow with a card reading \From: God, To: Women"" this year, students' lack of originality will truly be frightening.
Even actual violence and chaos aren't scary anymore. Bored partiers now find themselves exhaling disappointedly, sighing, ""Oh, look. Someone's looting Badger Liquor, and the police are firing rubber bullets and tear gas at people. Ho hum.""
But fortunately, for those of us who still like a good scare on the hallowed eve, we still have the world of arts and entertainment to keep us waking up in a cold sweat. So without further ado, here's some arts news to add a little chill to your evenings of candy corn and jack-o'-lanterns.
The Fort Wayne Journal is reporting that YuGiOh is one of this year's most popular Halloween costumes. And say what you will; nothing is as terrifying as a bunch of kids dressed up as a guy who plays cards. Thank god it isn't Uno.
Richard Linklater, writer/director of dialogue heavy-romance ""Before Sunrise"" and the determinist cartoon ""Waking Life"" has run into trouble for the semi-autobiographical ""Dazed and Confused."" Apparently not semi-autobiographical enough, Linklater used names of the then-stoners he went to high school with. Three of them have sued, claiming the movie publicly embarrassed them. So remember, publicly repeating stories about your friends doing silly things, like Connor McKnight knifing a hobo for a ham sandwich, can only get you in trouble, no matter how funny Connor knifing a guy to get lunch was.
There are bad movies, and then there are movies so unbelievably evil in their premises that they seem hell-bent on worsening the lives of their audiences. Jared Leto is reportedly about to make one of those movies. According to the Internet Movie Database, Leto is slated to team up with first-time writer-director Joby Harold to make ""Awake."" The site has a plot outline listed: ""While undergoing open heart surgery, a man's failed anesthetic leaves him completely alert, but paralyzed and unable to tell his doctors.""
What are they thinking? Is it just going to be 110 minutes of watching Jared Leto being cut open while a ""Wonder Years""-style voiceover screams in pain and tells us that it really, really hurts?
Studios like to make prestige pictures, but they often run out of ideas. After all, ""American Beauty"" doesn't hit your desk just every day. So inevitably, each year sees a slew of biographical movies about famous people. This year will see awards hopefuls about Bobby Darin, Ray Charles and Howard Hughes, just to name three.
But now we have a slew of competing biopics in the works. Next month's ""Alexander"" had a long-reported competitor from director Baz Luhrmann and star Leonardo DiCaprio. And now, after ""The Motorcycle Diaries,"" a puff piece about revolutionary Che Guevara, there's another Guevara project rumored to be in the works, with such names as Terrence Malick, Steven Soderbergh and Benicio Del Toro attached at various points. Similarly, there are two rival Janis Joplin biopics in the works-one starring Ren??e Zellweger and one starring Pink. When will it all end? Do we need that much Janis Joplin?
And with dueling biopics coming at the same time as the ""Alien vs. Predator,"" ""Freddie vs. Jason"" craze, how long until both Janis Joplin movies get combined into a face off? ""Che Guevara vs. Che Guevara"" is going to rule. They both have experience killing people.
People often complain that movie critics are self-important tools who don't actually try to serve their readership. But in the last 19 years, American critics have worked selflessly to bash Madonna's acting, trying to steer audiences away and send a message to Hollywood that moviegoers deserved better. And finally, after an 18-year sucking streak, with starring roles running from 1985's ""Desperately Seeking Susan"" to 2002's instantly-infamous ""Swept Away,"" it finally looked like her cinematic attacks on this freedom-loving nation were over.
But what happens every time the United States tries to take down a terror threat? The goddamned French step in.
Luc Besson, the French director of such popular Hollywood flicks as ""The Professional"" and ""The Fifth Element,"" is resurrecting Madonna's big-screen career by casting her in his forthcoming animated flick ""Arthur."" Why? Madonna has worn out her welcome as a singer and pop-culture icon. She married an edgy filmmaker and promptly ruined his career. And more recently, she publicly professed her bizarre interpretation of the Kabbalah and promptly ruined Judiasm for millions of Jews. But at least her movie career was finally over.
You have to imagine that Madonna can only appear in Frankenstein movies, where she becomes the amalgram of all her different personas since the 1980s. Or a zombie movie where she revives her career only to have it killed by a hero.
Next time someone complains about strained Franco-American relations, don't blame George W. Bush. Don't blame Jacques Chirac. Blame Luc Besson.
On Saturday, Ashlee Simpson's lip-synching on ""Saturday Night Live"" was outed after the wrong tape started playing, leaving the ""singer"" mouthing the wrong song and walking off stage angrily. On Monday, Simpson pinned her departure from stage on bad acid reflux.
Two prescription antacid companies, including Tap, who make Prevacid, and Astrazeneca, who make Nexium, enthusiastically lauded the star for raising awareness of the disease (Tap in a statement, Astrazeneca through gossip wranglers The Scoop).
Not to be outdone, Hormel thanked Mama Cass for raising awareness of ham products.
Democrats nationwide are angry that Pappas Telecasting, owners of three radio stations and 25 television stations donated the equivalent of $325,000 worth of free advertisement time to Republican groups across 13 counties in California. Republicans across the country are angry that their presidential candidate can't pronounce ""America"" correctly.
On their reunion tour, the longtime indie rockers went back to their Canadian hotel room to find it robbed. All of their gear had been stolen. Who needs that much gear in Canada?
God damn Hot Hot Heat.
With all this insanity, it should be hard to appreciate all of the tough times ahead. ""Taxi"" will soon be released on video, ""You Got Served"" will be in our public lexicon for years to come, even though no one saw the movie. Aha even finished a new album.
But its comforting to know that, at least in film form, Jared Leto will feel our pain.
