We've reached that point in the year when all the major sports in this country seem to make a conscientious attempt to completely flunk the entire male population of college students out of school by assaulting them with a barrage of amazing storylines and can't-miss match-ups.
The NFL and NCAA football seasons are hitting their strides and Major League Baseball's finest are on display with the start of the playoffs. So rather than try to address just one of these issues, I've delved into the Daily Cardinal mailbag to take some questions on all the hot topics.
What's the deal with the Packers? I thought it was Super Bowl or bust this season. - from Vern at the Red Shed
If you listen closely, you can hear it happening: Green Bay is busting. Only eight teams in NFL history have started the season 1-4 and have come back to make the playoffs. Even the incomparable Brett Favre will be hard pressed to resurrect this season. After a commanding Week One win over Carolina, things looked promising.
But it's been all downhill since then. Nothing sums up the Packers' current situation than the infamous quote from former New Jersey Net Michael Ray Richardson, who once said, \The ship be sinkin'.""
The Packers ""be sinkin'"" indeed, not to mention stinking. Unless they've started making Limburger Cheesehead hats, that stench permeating from Lambeau is the result of an awful defense. Monday night, they got torched by quarterback Steve McNair, who should have been playing in a wheelchair, he's had so many injuries; and by Chris Brown, a running back whose claim to fame is being Eddie George's back-up.
Sure, the six turnovers hurt too, and maybe Brett shouldn't have been out there with the lingering effects of a concussion, but let's face it: Brett Favre is Teflon in Wisconsin, and rightfully so. As long as he can throw the ball, Favre is going to be welcome in Green Bay. Besides, when you consider the alternatives, Craig Nall and Doug Pederson, a mildly concussed Brett Favre doesn't seem so bad.
So, who really is Pedro's daddy? - from Johnny O. in The Statesider
The results of the first paternity test were fairly inconclusive. The Yanks won, but Pedro certainly pitched well enough to get the W. If the Yankees are in fact Pedro's daddy, they certainly didn't show it in game two. Aside from the home run he gave up to 58-year-old John Olerud, (Red Sox fans, you know you're in trouble when the guy who hits the homer uses a cane instead of a bat) Pedro looked to have emancipated himself from any parental control Steinbrenner and Co. may have had over him.
Speaking of Pedro, can anyone tell me what has happened to his hair? My only guess is that he is growing it out so that he can hide his good luck charm, 28-inch tall Dominican actor Nelson De La Rosa, in his coif when he takes the field. Have you seen this guy? Pedro carries him around on his shoulder like he's a pet parrot. Apparently he brings luck to the Sox, which is why I think Pedro wants him by his side (or under his hat) at all times.
And with Curt Schilling set to miss his Game Five start and possibly the remainder of the series with an ankle injury, the Red Sox will need all the luck they can get.
In your last column, you questioned whether the Badgers' defense was legit. Are you convinced now that they've beaten Ohio State? - from B. Badger on Breese Terrace
Alright, I will concede, there's something special about this defense. But before we go declaring it the greatest ever, let's not forget that the Buckeye offense is more impotent than Bob Dole, pre-Viagra of course. I'm not saying the Ohio State offense isn't a worthy foe, but I will say that if it was replaced by the Estonian National Ballet, you might not notice a difference.
That being said, that cup of Badger Kool-Aid is looking awfully enticing right now, and if the UW defense can shut down Kyle Orton and the high flying Purdue offense, even a cynic like myself would be hard-pressed to remain skeptical. A win in West Lafayette instantly makes the Badgers legitimate Orange Bowl contenders. If it does happen, I don't see how I could refuse a sip from the Badger Kool-Aid chalice. Just be careful when you're passing it though, I hear that stuff stains.
Joe is a sophomore planning to major in journalism. If you are searching for more answers, e-mail him at jphasler@wisc.edu.
