Downtown Madison is a lonely place at night when you need to vomit. The air is cold and unwelcoming. The streets are filled with carefree partiers. And bars don't take kindly to revelers who lose control after a few drinks.
But if your drunken ailment happens to hit you at Wando's, the evening is going to get worse. Most bars just remove customers who have had too much to drink. But Wando's bouncers make them clean up their own messes first.
And no one-not even another bouncer-is about to say no to the guys at Wando's.
\Yeah, those are definitely the last guys I would want to have mad at me in a dark alley,"" said one State Street area bouncer. ""I think their smallest bouncer towers over our biggest guy.""
And the legend of the Wando's doormen is more than just rumor. The bar's head bouncer is Dave Neumyer, former heavyweight wrestler for the UW-Madison team. The reputation holds up throughout the door staff, said bouncer and UW-Madison junior Steve More.
""It's definitely a profile of us, that we hire nothing but wrestlers and guys trained in martial arts ... but the profile is true,"" More claimed. ""Everybody who bounces here played a sport at some point ... On most nights, our average bouncer is about 6'3"" or 6'4"".""
And people cleaning their own vomit?
""That's true,"" said More, before he stopped to correct himself. ""Well, them or their friends.""
Yet for all the reputation and size of Wando's bouncers, many bar owners in the campus and Capitol area actually find great size to be a non-factor in hiring, and think personality is far more important for policing barrooms.
""Always take a person who's level-headed over a big, huge, strong guy,"" said Jon Okonek, owner of Johnny O's and Madison Avenue. ""I would always prefer a bouncer who can talk his way out of something ... You have to be the one to keep your head, not lose it because the other person is being an idiot, which they always are.""
Dean Hetue, owner of the Plaza Tavern, takes a similar view.
""We don't have bouncers; we have door checkers,"" Hetue explained. ""If you have a big, mean bouncer at the door, you're already creating a sense of aggression in people the second they walk in.""
It helps that most concerns for bouncers don't involve brawls or physically removing anyone. Paul's Club is known for being strict about checking IDs, often confiscating fakes. But bar manager Ken Boll is adamant about the value of maintaining this reputation, saying it helps to maintain the clientele of the bar.
""Our bar is so small that we don't need to cater to the younger crowd,"" said Boll, a former bouncer himself. ""Younger, inexperienced drinkers often cause the most trouble ... and we have the least amount of police calls of any State Street bar.""
Richard Lyshek, owner of Bullfeathers, has a more merit-based system when it comes to confiscating IDs.
""We don't unless people are annoying,"" he said. ""If you stick around and argue after we reject you, we're much more likely to take your ID.""
Bullfeathers is one of many area bars where the bouncers often move on to become bartenders. At The Blue Velvet Lounge, male bartenders are required to bounce at the door before they get behind the bar. This leads to odd situations, such as Ryan Good-a man known to his coworkers as a good actor, a solid bartender and nice guy, but from all accounts, far from the most appropriate bouncer candidate.
""Ryan wasn't exactly menacing at the door,"" said fellow bartender and former bouncer Kurt Kuehn.
""Yeah, we don't know how Ryan happened,"" added Joe Mueller, the bar's manager.
And every bar needs a big, imposing bouncer sometimes. With fishbowls full of mixed drinks, lots of birthday celebrators from the nearby Nitty Gritty and a location close to the Kohl Center, there's a reason why Wando's keeps such imposing security on hand.
""Last Friday, I had to kick out eight people before 10:30,"" More said.
And it gets worse than that.
""One time,"" said Neumyer, ""I had to kick a guy out, and had to kick out his cousin, his sister and his whole family, too. They were all drunk and all rowdy. We had to call the cops, and all of them were taking swings at us while we were trying to settle them down-even the sister.""
And bouncers themselves can misbehave and be just as likely to get thrown out. Just ask Chris. Chris was a bouncer at a popular downtown bar, where he dealt with the usual shenanigans of gate keeping at the local watering hole.
""Everyone's got a special reason to get in ahead of the line. 'My friend's in there' or 'My sister's in there.' And people always try to tell you they were just inside a minute ago,"" Chris said. ""But when you're the bouncer, you have the power.""
But Chris found out what happens when the power corrupts.
""I was caught taking money at the door on the Saturday of Halloween,"" he said, while not allowed to reveal the amount. ""Enough to make it worthwhile.""
And also enough to get him fired. But busy and rowdy nights always skew the true personalities of bouncers. Last Sunday night, Neumyer stood behind the bar at Wando's mixing drinks, when a blonde female acquaintance called out to him from across the bar to say she was leaving and leaned forward for a hug. Neumyer reached over the bar to give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek while wishing her a happy birthday.
""See, what did I tell you?"" laughed a nearby customer. ""Dave's a pussycat.""
This image of the former wrestler and current bouncer gently embracing a customer was an interesting image. It showed that after the craziness of a post-game celebration or an overcrowded weekend night, Madison bars are welcoming, customer-friendly places. And even Wando's, with its legendary bouncers, can be sympathetic and warm toward its guests.
Just as long as you don't vomit, anyway. Then you're on your own.
