A day of change. A day of hope. The dawn of a new era.
Err, for some people, maybe.
But for me, Election Day is little more than a fire-spitting monkey.
Original Castlevania for the original Nintendo Entertainment System''??-I've been playing for weeks. But for the past five days, I've been stuck on a decoy, preoccupied with defeating a certain agile monster that doesn't deserve my attention.
As I sit nestled between my pink couch cushions, I realize all I need to do is nonviolently maneuver my robed warrior past the satanic blazing chimp to advance the game.
But some mysterious internal force keeps making me see this superfluous flaming monkey's demise as the ultimate goal.
\If I can only win against this perverted ape, my troubles will be over,"" I tell myself as I fling my boomerang around the ominous castle.
But this just isn't so.
Incendiary monkeys, like elections, present a challenge and demand a call to action. In the game of Election Day, voters are dodging classes, catching rides and cutting through polling lines in hopes of overcoming evil.
But this is by no means the end of the game.
Instead, the election and the hype building up to it serve merely as a calculated decoy in a warped democracy.
It is, in fact, a brilliant plan. Once every four years, we have a voice. We believe we've truly changed the world. And by the time the election ordeal is over, we're so exhausted from the propaganda and imposing campaigners that we can't wait to get back to our apolitical routines.
An energy-draining decoy. Just like the inferno-spewing monkey.
Many of us hope Kerry wins today. Not because we trust him, agree with him, or even understand his stances, but simply because we abhor Bush.
But while an ""anybody but Bush"" vote is the best option at the moment, it's ultimately like defeating the fiery ape just to have Frankenstein waiting for us at the top of a gloomy staircase.
More sellouts, more liars, more power hungry men.
If we let this monkey of an election drain us, we're treating the event like a conclusion. Instead, today is ideally a perfect wake up call to anyone who'd rather promote an honest candidate to power.
Unfortunately, outsmarting the decoy isn't easy. We should all pause our games, take a deep breath and order a real big pizza. Maybe two.
Armed with blogs, professors, obscure but credible Web sites and our own intellect, we must look past the fiery spitballs and let our research lead us to something a little more honest, a little less calculated.
But today, we've got the right idea. We're going to the polls. We're taking a crack at the flaming monkey, albeit with a piece of mail instead of a whip, but we're not getting too distracted.
Because we know our nation's corruption wasn't created by just one fire-spitting chimp.
And now, it's time to move past the decoy.
Emily dedicates this column to Mom and Dad Winter, who bribed her with Nintendo at age five. Emily did stop sucking her thumb, and now uses Nintendo for political inspiration. She can be reached at ewinter@wisc.edu.
