Thanks to the Madison City Council, I am screwed. Normally this governing body helps me out, keeps me safe and builds me a pool, but now they are distracting me one month too soon. You see, thanks to the City Council, landlords can start signing leases for next fall today, instead of Dec. 15. Unfortunately, this means instead of doing homework or studying, I am combing apartment Web sites trying to find a place to live.
I considered moving back into the dorms. I wouldn't have to deal with cooking meals or washing dishes anymore. Plus, I could start sending the housing bill back to my parents. But logic got the best of me. What if I got a bad roommate? I got really unlucky the first time in the dorms. My roommate didn't seem to enjoy talking to me, so our room was quieter than mimes during a silent auction. I couldn't take the chance again and go back there. Not for all the Nachos Plus in the world.
Currently, I am living with five other people, but we are all splitting up and going in different directions next year. Everyone wants to be closer to the buildings of their specialty. My engineering roommate is moving over by engineering, my business roommate wants to stay relatively close to Grainger, etc.
All of this begs the question, why don't they just add dorms to these buildings? If someone told me that there were apartments in Vilas, I would be the first person to sign up. Talk about centrally located! That's almost as good as living over a restaurant on State Street. UW is really missing out on an enterprising opportunity.
But according to my sources, you can't just put apartments inside those buildings. There are laws and health codes and what not. (Probably created by that damn City Council). So as far as that plan goes, I am out of luck.
This apartment search is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated. None of these places really seem to fit my lifestyle. They may all have three or four bedrooms and breakfast nooks, but where is the space for an air hockey table? Where is my in-house soda fountain? Where will I keep the feed for my petting zoo?
Taking a cue from all the sublet postings, I figured my new roommates and I should put out a personal ad for the perfect apartment. It would read: Wanted, spacious furnished five-bedroom apartment. Utilities paid by anyone but us. Rent should include wages for a maid and personal butler. Bedrooms must have all of the appropriate accoutrements including ping-pong, ski-ball and big closets. Kitchen should come with groceries, professional-quality appliances and a professional chef to go with them. The balcony needs to be able to support fifteen people, a keg and large speakers without flinching. The intercom system must come with video surveillance, and possibly a hot doorman. Also, a trash chute that leads to the dumpster would be nice, but we can live without it. Rent must be in the range of $1,500 to $1,700 a month and can be eliminated by baking for the landlord.\
There, that should do the trick. Housing dilemma solved. But, I better keep combing these Web sites, just in case.
Erin Canty can be reached at erincanty8285@hotmail.com.
