Targeted at those too impatient to wait a few months for the actual \Da Vinci Code"" movie, Jerry Bruckheimer's ""National Treasure,"" too, is a story about a treasure hunt following clues hidden in plain sight. This time, it's the Freemasons' collection of the spoils of every ancient war. The treasure was placed into safekeeping by our nation's Founding Fathers because any one person owning its exorbitant wealth could dominate the world. Naturally, then, they set up a network of clues on national monuments so that any idiot could find it. Nicolas Cage has drawn that lot. Like that other Bruckheimer/Cage action film, ""The Rock,"" ""National Treasure"" never pretends to be art. But unlike ""The Rock,"" ""National Treasure"" just isn't any fun.
""National Treasure's"" trailers center the film around Cage's stealing the Declaration of Independence to find a clue. The advertised heist is a bust; Cage's crew steals the Declaration of Independence with all the precision and intrigue they'd need to knock over a Denny's. It's a little frightening to see, even in a fictional world; any of the national monuments ""National Treasure"" invariably tears apart have such meager security. Two rival groups of thieves break into the National Archives to steal the Declaration at the same time and Nicolas Cage removes entire bricks from Independence Hall under the cover of broad daylight without even tourists noticing. It becomes almost a game to guess which important artifact will be ripped apart next.
But aside from the fun of watching a bunch of deadly serious men blow holes into the walls of historic churches in the name of uncovering other historic things, there isn't too much to this movie. Where other treasure hunts let the audience figure out the clues along with the movie, ""National Treasure's"" heros combine a dizzying mix of weakly linked logic and obscure history with frustrating ease. Watching Cage come to answers without showing his work is all the excitement of watching an oral exam in an American history class you've never taken. The actors themselves never seem to understand why one clue lads them to another.
It's no wonder Jon Voigt is visibly embarrassed to appear as Cage's disapproving father, or that Cage phones in his performance. What is surprising are the astonishing number of actors forced to use foreign accents while discussing the minutiae of American history. Among the 20 or so men who are trailing the Freemason gold, there appears to be only two American nationals interested in what was touted as the biggest historic discovery in their nation's history. And of that two, one of them is insubstantial, the back-talking sidekick played by Justin Bartha's best impression of Topher Grace.
But the actors are never given anything more than a gee-whiz premise to work with and a bunch of famous places to be filmed at. It isn't because ""National Treasure"" bastardizes history that makes it so aggravating, but that it bastardizes history in such an over-the-top and unengaging way. ""National Treasure"" fails to live up to the low, by-the-numbers treasure-hunting standards it sets for itself. At least ""The Goonies"" had Sloth.
