Halloween has never been a creative time for me. In the late '80s, I dressed as Ed Hearn, the backup catcher of the 1986 New York Mets, for three straight years, because he was their only white guy with glasses. My imagination couldn't stretch to being another Met or wearing another costume, even though my costume lasted three times as long as Hearn's unremarkable career with the Mets.
Spiritually, the city of Madison has spent three years in an Ed Hearn costume.
This year saw a really uninspired array of costumes. There were exceptions, like my roommate, who wore a black outfit, white face makeup and a sign that read \Bad Mime,"" while he held a megaphone and shouted, ""I'm stuck in a box!"" But for every inspired outfit, there were endless reruns, like ""SpongeBob"" or ""sexy devil."" Even I donned my Clark Kent costume for a fourth straight year without finding a Lois.
But the lamest return to routine in Madison came when hundreds of idiots tried to riot. Since my apartment is only a few yards from State Street, I witnessed two nights of stupidity as kids cursed and threw garbage, trying to provoke police violence. Friday, it started with a good-natured, football game-style chant of ""Eat shit, fuck you."" But things quickly deteriorated.
The attempted riots had nothing to do with anger or partying. It was a gathering of the Midwest's worst and dimmest, acting with a sense of, ""This is a town that riots on Halloween. We can't go home until we riot."" I understand people who regret missing the chance to see Woodstock, but these people seemed to regret missing the riots of Woodstock '99.
People worry about Mayor Cieslewicz shutting down future Halloween celebrations, but who can blame him? Would you want your city to be known as a Mecca for morons? If I were him, I would quash future celebrations and announce it with a press release that said, ""No, kids, eat shit, fuck you.""
But Sunday, on Halloween proper, I tried a different party, and broke routines of both costume and chaos. Some friends and I dressed up and went trick-or-treating, visiting the mayor, the UW chancellor and Rep. Tammy Baldwin. I dressed up as Dave Magnum, Baldwin's goofily polished election opponent. I brushed my hair back and spoke in a radio voice like Magnum's all night.
The evening was fantastic. Mayor Cieslewicz complimented my vocal stylings, while Congresswoman Baldwin played along when I said, ""Tammy, as the owner of a small business, I'd like some candy"" and ""I do all my candy-raising in Wisconsin, not in Hollywood like you."" And when I told Chancellor Wiley I was looking forward to his vote, he threw his arm around me and said, ""Do me a favor, Dave: hold your breath until that happens.""
But most importantly, the evening reminded us of what Halloween is supposed to be. We chased candy, got into character and exchanged pleasantries with other revelers. Posers trying to pick fights with cops from 50 yards away shouldn't be emblematic of Halloween; the look on little girls' faces when they saw my friend Bridget's homemade ""Hello Kitty"" costume should be. Canceled celebrations or not, Madison must avoid the influx of jackasses and remember the true spirit of Halloween, instead of pursuing chaos.
And above all, we need to shake the spirit of my Ed Hearn costume once and for all.
amosap@hotmail.com.
