Every election cycle, a number of important indicators come to light. A change in the economy might mean a change in the president. Approval ratings rise and fall, jobs move from shore to shore, wars are waged. And through this mish-mash of data, political analysts can accurately predict the next president.
But these indicators, and all the polling to date, suggest an immeasurably close race. How do we know who will win this election before the vote? What tie-breakers are there for close elections? How do you know whether or not your vote is needed, if your candidate will win, whether or not the next four years will be bleak with that wrong man in charge?
Hemlines.
Women's skirts hold the future.
So do sports games and blinking, children's magazines and Halloween. When all else fails, there are only these things to turn to. And they are surprisingly accurate, too.
As far back as the science of guessing who the next president goes, people have sought patterns in places further from our election than Canadians are.
For your enlightenment, The Daily Cardinal has rounded up the most telling social indicators for the Presidential election. You can know today what will happen tomorrow.
And, not needing to see the news, you can sleep in on Wednesday.
Since 1980, the leader in sales of Halloween masks has won the election. This year, Bush masks outsold Kerry masks, implying that Bush should be president. Spiderman outsold both of them, making the web-slinger America's top choice. But as a New York native, the wall-crawler likely could never carry the South. Accordingly, this indicator suggests Bush.
The best world for Wisconsinite Democrats, the Packers bested the Redskins 28-14 after a phantom penalty killed the 'Skins late game comeback hopes. Since 1936, a Washington home loss in their last home game before the election has meant an incumbent party win. The referees, it seems, are Kerry fans.
Since Ike won over 50 years ago, the children's magazine distributed as a classroom aid has issued kids' vote that has successfully predicted the president. Kerry took the polls by a two-to-one margin. Once again, a herd of midgets who watch YuGiOh have decided the world's fate.
Bad for both men and John Kerry, hemlines are down, indicating a more conservative populace.
Since 1960, the year the Lakers moved to California, the Republicans have taken the White House each year the Lakers have played in the finals. This year they did, losing to the Pistons. Bush's victory rests on Shaq's enormous shoulders
Debates have been televised since the days of Nixon, and the candidate who blinks at a higher rate on camera traditionally loses. According to the New York Daily News, the candidates were running even. But Bush's blink-rate doubled as the debate wrapped up. He may have blinked himself out of office.
