I cannot remember the last time I was happy with the way things are. I do not remember if that feeling of unease or uncertainty over the condition of life is normal, but I know that every day when I wake up it is there: a constant feeling that somehow we are not where we could be or should be. Each day I come to the horrible conclusion that everyone is simply living half-lives and finding them adequate. I feel I alone remember the dreams we once had and know them to be dreams deferred.
Martin Luther King, Charles Hamilton Houston, Michael Schwerner and a million others across this country had a dream for a better world once. A dream I remember each man listed eventually died trying to make a realization. It was for that dream of harmony the united rainbow of millions sung. Yet today, I no longer hear those same voices raised in harmony and find the cause for which they worked so hard incomplete. Instead I watch as brown men and women are followed in stores without cause and served last in restaurants, though they came first in line. I see the nightly news and talk shows, where color of skin is reflected by both sides, and find not the harmony envisioned. Yet those same news shows and public speakers offer no solution and the people defer a dream to another day.
Cesar Chavez's dream might be complete that day. Men and women may be granted equal rights to be treated with dignity, despite the manner of their employ. In that dream world a senator who makes over $150,000 per year will be remembered as a man, the same as the vegetable picker who makes less then six dollars an hour. Yet today I see those with millions purchase legislation and decisions that benefit them over the common man and woman. As I wait at the bus stop in the rain and watch the BMW's pass by those of us on the corner, I see another dream incomplete.
The pessimist could wonder if one dream after another is not all mankind has to offer. For no matter how hard we try we seem only to have the ideal not quite realized. I, however, find hope in the fact that no matter the cost, no matter the failures and difficulties we face, we keep trying for more then what is presented. Dreams and wishes for a better future are more ingrained in who and what we are than anything that would divide us.
In that conviction I wonder if I am alone. I am carrying what feels to be the greatest of realizations in mankind's capability of more as a weight that grows heavier with each passing day. The only time I feel the weight lifted is when I am to the point of uncaring. When I do not care the imperfections no longer matter. Ignorance and thoughtlessness have become the two roads to true happiness. Yet, if happiness means not caring and acceptance of the way things are, than I selfishly hope none of us is ever truly happy.
