These days, few phrases strike fear in the hearts of movie fans quite like \the latest from Robert DeNiro"" or ""from the director of 'Swimfan.'"" So of course, there's something cosmically appropriate about the two intersecting for a January horror movie. But in their new collaboration, ""Hide and Seek,"" DeNiro and director John Polson have still managed to create something impressive: 2005's first contender for funniest movie of the year. It just wasn't on purpose.
The movie follows father and daugher David and Emily (DeNiro and Dakota Fanning) left to pick up the pieces after the family matriarch commits suicide. To ease the trauma, psychiatrist David decides to move to a small town to start over. Separated from her psychiatrist (Famke Janssen), Emily is left with no friends and finds companionship from the imaginary Charlie. But when Emily's behavior turns from morose to downright creepy, David seeks out Charlie and the root of the troubling disturbances arising in their home.
Like its equally schlocky January counterpart ""White Noise,"" ""Hide and Seek"" is a movie with some style, a somewhat worthwhile concept and decent talent in front of the camera, but no idea what to do with any of the three. The result is similar, as ""Hide and Seek"" winds up intermittently dull, stupid and overbearingly sad rather than scary. And in an era of useless twist endings, ""Hide and Seek"" possesses perhaps the most dimwitted and painful of all.
While the movie's failure is largely attributable to Ari Schlossberg's inane script and Polson's slick, humorless direction, DeNiro must shoulder his share of the blame. While recent years have seen him at his least inspired, his latest performance cannot even be described as going through the motions. DeNiro no longer even appears to be trying. No emoting, no variation of inflection, just the same furrowed brow for 100 minutes. DeNiro was never an actor of extraordinary depth. His greatness came from almost unparalleled intensity and commitment, which he has now abandoned. Father and psychiatrist was never a role perfect for DeNiro, but in this phase of his career, it's simply painful.
But it's hard to ignore the splendid humor of ""Hide and Seek,"" no matter how accidental it is. It is also difficult to ignore the implication that every adult in the small town hits on the 10-year-old Fanning, which is scarier than the constant hinting that one of them is Charlie. Throw in a comical defenestration, and Polson offers all kinds of humor he never seems to notice.
The only genuinely commendable aspect of the production is Fanning. Her sullen conviction makes for a far more compelling screen presence than her legendary co-star. Fanning always seems a bit like a cynical adult in a child's body, which can detract from roles like her one in 2003's ill-fated ""Cat in the Hat."" Here she is masterful, though, offering the best performance of an impressive young career.
But it's indicative of the movie that the least inept person involved was born in 1994. ""Hide and Seek"" is just another point in Polson's rise as a hack genre director and in DeNiro's embarrassing decline. It is the kind of movie that should be rented on the way home from the liquor store. Only then will it be appreciated for its outstanding comedy. Even if it wasn't meant to be.
