With nearly half a million copies sold, \He's Just Not That Into You"" is well on its way to becoming the Bible for women in sub-par relationships. Authors of this popular ""how-to"" manual-""Sex and the City"" consultant Greg Behrendt and writer Liz Tuccillo-advise women to stop excusing their man's inattentiveness. Instead, as the title states, it's time to realize ""he's just not that into you.""
In a recent interview with USA Today, Tuccillo exclaimed her bestseller ""should be the relationship book to end all relationship books.""
""He's Just Not That Into You"" definitely charms at points-reminding women everywhere of their boyfriends' ridiculous antics and familiar excuses. Behrendt and Tuccillo inform women that men do not ignore you because they are afraid of ruining a friendship, or because they forgot your number. Instead, they claim, the answer is simple-he's just not that into you. Despite the book's comic prowess and motivational (though redundant) coaching, the question is, do women really want this book to be the final word on relationships?
It is true that some women do obsess, make a variety of excuses for guys and settle for mediocre relationships, often because they are insecure or because it beats being alone. Behrendt and Tuccillo argue that in the past women would have searched themselves for the cause of their relationship problems, only to feel disappointed and inadequate.
In these instances the authors are right-it probably is healthier for women to attribute their boyfriend's neglectfulness to the fact that he's not interested and just move on.
Surely there are those cases, but what about the circumstances in which he really is into you, and he really does have legitimate reasons for not committing, calling or coming over? Behrendt and Tuccillo, the messiahs of this trendy relationship theory, do not permit women to spend time either analyzing their relationship problems or resolving them together with their partners.
So, should women forever assume that men are scumbags until proven otherwise? Should women always abandon their dates, lovers and boyfriends, automatically concluding from every mistake that their boyfriends just aren't interested?
Finally, the authors and their critics alike describe the book as ""intoxicatingly liberating."" It must be incredibly freeing to give up responsibility for your relationship issues and blame it all on your partner not being into you. But while Behrendt and Tuccillo's avid audience is excited to dump their neglectful guys for now, the curiosity, analysis and obsession will inevitably begin all over again once these women start wondering why their new boyfriend is just not that into them.
