Spring break is so close I can smell the tequila and tanning lotion. With only a few days left until the main event, I thought I would give some travel tips to those of you jet-setting away from campus. Consider this a community service. I call it: Erin's Crash Course to Air Travel.
1. If you want to fly in style, all the work starts at home. Put your carry-on items into a huge suitcase or duffel bag. Head to the airport and feign ignorance about the limitations on suitcase size. When they tell you to check your bags, freak out! Don't look confrontational, because that's how you get thrown out of the airport. Just look crazy enough so they have to say, \Ma'am, please, we have other customers in line."" They will probably still make you check the bag, but for all of the ""trouble"" they have put you through, they may give you a snack on the flight or bump you up to first class. An airport employee's primary function is to subdue and please obnoxious people. Play into it.
2. Unless they are disposable or you have a penchant for ear infections, don't use the headphones. Just trust me on this one.
3. If you get bored, re-create scenes from classic movies. Remember that scene in ""Home Alone 2"" where the family is running through O'Hare International Airport at breakneck speed trying to make it to their flight on time and Kevin lags behind and eventually gets on the wrong plane? No? Not so much? OK, never mind.
4. The airlines are running a racket on soda. You pay hundreds of dollars for a ticket and you can't even get a decent drink. They take out the little cup of ice and pour half of your drink in there. Is it too much to ask to get 12 ounces of a beverage? So if you get a soda on the plane, make sure to ask for it in the can. That, way they are forced to give you the entire thing. Demand respect; demand to have your thirst actually quenched.
5. If you have a long layover, enjoy the airport. Get a good workout and run in place on the moving sidewalk. Activate all of the sinks in the bathroom with your hands like you are orchestrating the fountains at the Bellagio. Or if you are feeling extra rambunctious, go to the shoeshine booth wearing flip-flops.
6. Skycaps are those nice people who help you get your luggage out of the car and label it to be checked. The fate of your belongings rests in their hands. If you slip them a quarter after they take your oversized hockey bag of bricks out of your trunk, then your stuff will end up far, far away from your intended destination. Tip big. Tip twice if you have to, anything to increase your chances of not losing your luggage.
7. Looking for a date? Ride the baggage carousel and cross your fingers that someone will pick you up.
8. As you exit the airplane, hold a tag board sign that says, ""Limo Driver."" Sometimes it's easier for you to look for them.
9. And finally, enjoy the airport, car or train station and have a great spring break!
erincanty8285@hotmail.com.
