Everyone is familiar with the first dinner date experience; it's awkward, nerve-racking and sometimes so boring that you begin to ponder stabbing your eye with a fork to liven things up a bit. To make matters worse, choosing a meal is no simple task. This process is comparable to writing a ten-page paper an hour before it's due-very hard and nearly impossible. There are so many unofficial rules you must follow when deciding the appropriate entr??e to order it is amazing people can even have successful first dates.
I have had some bad first date experiences that could have been made a little better had I known which dishes to order and which ones to stay away from. The
o"" meals, the meals that are off limits, far outweigh the ""yes"" meals.
First of all, no stringy pastas, such as spaghetti, angel hair, linguini or fettuccini. These cause unnecessary slurping noises along with prolonged periods of leaning over your plate with noodles hanging out of your mouth.
No salads. Even if they have meat in them, they do not constitute a real meal. Your date will think you are either very weight-conscious or that you just don't want to reveal how much you really can eat.
No appetizers. Again, doesn't really count as an actual meal.
No steak. Too expensive.
No onions or garlic. Unless kissing your date at the end of the night is out of the question.
No ribs. Extremely messy. Will easily require 20 napkins.
No burgers. May fall apart very easily and become messier than expected.
No stacked sandwiches. Requires very large bites and unattractive mouthfuls.
Nothing that sounds too exotic. You run the risk of not liking it, which then forces your date to offer up his or her own meal. Not cool.
Some trickier situations may arise, such as whether you should be carnivorous and order a meat-lovers meal or veer toward a vegetarian-style dish. This decision is especially difficult in Madison since there are so many hippies who thrive on all-organic diets and find meat as appealing as Condoleezza Rice in a thong. How are you supposed to order a big bloody hunk of meat knowing that your date across the table is on the verge of barfing all over your plate?
Taking into consideration the other extreme, what if you were dating someone who loved to hunt and felt such satisfaction biting into a large, tender piece of meat? He or she might get offended if you ordered a meal of only vegetables and tofu and decide right then and there that you are just not compatible.
The good news is, I have figured out a few ""date-friendly"" dishes you can order on your next first date. They might not guarantee a great night, they will make the process of ordering and eating that much smoother so you can pay attention to your date, instead of how terribly unattractive you look with barbeque sauce dripping down your face onto your shirt.
Chicken without pasta is a ""yes"" meal, along with quesadillas, fish and smaller-shaped pastas such as shells or ravioli. I realize this selection is quite limited. It is terrible actually. But so are first dates, right? I guess the only problem you can really prepare for on a first date is your meal selection. Choose wisely. Eat with dignity.
Kat is a junior majoring in psychology. E-mail her at krpeterson@wisc.edu.
