Back in my days as a sandwich maker for a now-defunct local merchant, I conducted an experiment, the results of which confirmed the worst about the mindset of the average American.
This particular sandwich shop had a pen whose cap looked remarkably like the body of the pen itself-so much so that many people construed it to be a pen that had a button that would make the ink pop out. One day, when I was working the cash register, I gave the pen to every customer who paid by credit card. Six out of the eight Americans who tried to use the pen to sign their receipt fiddled with it and tried to make the tip appear and then gave up without ever taking off the cap. They would say things like, \I think your pen is broken"" or ""is there even any ink in this?"" Of the five foreigners who tried to use the pen, all but one figured out the trick.
The problem with these pen users was that they gave into the theory that the best way for anything to be is overly simple. They assumed there was no cap on the pen because it did not look, at first glance, like that was possible.
This same mindset gave birth to the food guide pyramid, whereby Americans could look at a picture and determine what foods they should eat. When it turned out the pyramid was not clear enough because it lumped different foods into the same category-in all fairness, it is pretty tough to tell the difference between a steak and a salmon filet just by looking-a new graphic that emphasized the need for exercise and a balanced diet was introduced.
Americans always think they can make things better. Even if something is fast, it could be faster. Even if something is smooth, it could be smoother. Even if something is easy, it could be easier. Even if something is safe, it could be safer.
Yet no matter how hard you try, it is not really possible to make everything hunky-dory in one quick step. Something new will always come up, a new obstacle that creates a whole new set of problems. It is not possible to shock and awe the Middle East into democratic revolution, just as it is not possible to get the 40 absolute best country duets ever recorded with one simple call to Time Life Records (have your credit card ready). And if you go at it correctly, that uncertainty is pretty exciting.
A recent study showed that Americans who are slightly overweight are less susceptible to certain diseases than their brethren of ""ideal"" size. If the study is correct, it might prove to be a good idea to exercise a little less or eat a little more than the new food guide pyramid suggests.
Remember these words of wisdom: Nothing is as good as it could be, and everything causes cancer. So do what seems right-not what you see on TV or hear from our fearless leaders. After all, when you get right down to it, the number one killer in the United States is still natural causes.
opinion@dailycardinal.com.
