Recently a friend pointed out to me that even though this column is an outlet for creative communication, it has only been utilized to sustain a concentrated fury of personal lament. In other words, throughout the year-save the sporadic staccato bursts of glee-all I have done is gripe, grouse and complain. The same friend then followed the observation with a question-\Does that mean that there is nothing to be happy about?""
What she was really asking was, ""Is there nothing for liberals to be happy about?"" I realize that if a student only got their political news from the opinion pages, it would be easy for that student to mistake America for Mordor of ""Lord of the Rings"" fame. But this is not the case; there is much to be happy about. Instead of ending the year by asking you to add more weight to your worry by giving you further instructions for sadness, this column will be devoted to the opposite. Fear not, fellow progressives, for I will endow upon ye a few quick ideas that should ensure a happy summer.
Even though it seems like preparing for finals is the least enviable task on the planet, there are many people our age who would gladly turn in their combat boots and body armor for a highlighter and backpack. So if you are feeling down about finals, or need some extra motivation to keep the midnight oil burning, just stop and think of all the soldiers who are in harm's way and the courage they muster on a daily basis. So with that in mind, head over to and, for about the same price of a 30-pack of PBR, you can sponsor a care package for a member of the armed forces.
For those of you dismayed with the decline of America's international standing, don't fret. This is why God created Norway. Except for a brief occupation by the Nazis, Norway has never had hostile relations with another state. Additionally, Norway has more than its fair share of fjords, which are scientifically proven to increase the happiness of anyone in close proximity to them. Norway also has more public rest rooms per capita than any other state, one of the best health care systems in the world, and nearly everyone there speaks English. Norwegians may be the only people on earth capable of competing with citizens of the Badger State in terms of drinking ability.
Head toward happiness at
Liberals looking for inspiration should look no further than Romania. While we might think that the increasingly theocratic Bush administration could deprive us of a future of happiness, we should stop to consider the case of Romania. Romania didn't let more than 40 years of rule by a communist tyrant prevent them from producing some of the greatest dance songs in the history of the world and, in doing so, has given the world and inebriated young people in particular, something to celebrate.
In fact, the appreciation that the world has for Romanian music can't be adequately described by words. The appreciation the world shows Romania can only be expressed by watching the world's most famous overweight Dutchman lose himself to the Romanian group Ozone's timeless rendition of ""Noma Numa Yei."" Experience the sensation for yourself at Go log on and dance, damn it!
So, fellow left-leaning Badgers, follow these instructions and you can be ensured of dancing your way into a summer of endless joy and merriment. Thanks for reading all year long, and see you in September.
opinion@dailycardinal.com.
