It was renowned psychiatrist Dr. Elisabeth K??bler-Ross who first proposed there are five stages of grieving over a loss or death. First, an individual is met by denial, then anger, followed by bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance. When I reminisce about Blue the gecko, I skip the first three and sink into my sadness.
Like me, you probably didn't know of Blue's existence until after he, well, ceased to exist. But I'm told this cold-blooded critter would've warmed my heart in a way few reptiles can. Blue passed away after battling an infected cut on his snout; I spotted his owner, Charlie, in the Grainger Hall atrium and tried to offer my condolences.
'Blue might be gone,' I said, patting him on the back, 'but at least you saved a bunch of money on your car insurance!'
Though his clothes said 'business casual,' Charlie's face read like a Greek tragedy and I knew my comment was probably out of line.
Apparently, Blue's ailment resulted from 'mistreatment' by his summer caretakers, and it seems similar neglect has befallen another UW-Madison student's pet. In an attempt to understand both her boyfriend and the dynamics of our relationship, my girlfriend enrolled in abnormal psychology this semester. The following is an excerpt from a recent e-mail her professor sent the class; I swear I'm not making this up:
'During your exam yesterday, a classmate of yours turned in the oddest 'lost item',' the e-mail read. 'It was a live mouse! I suspect it may have been a pet mouse. It seemed quite docile'??
Before I was worried small rodents would crawl up my legs during tests, I seriously considered buying a dog. Scrappy, as I would call him, would be the ideal companion; we would share the same eating (strawberry gushers and nachos) and sleeping (14 hours per night) habits.
The scruffy little terrier, with a red bandana tied around his neck, could also serve the dual function of devoted friend and vacuum cleaner, happily licking up beer spills before our kitchen tiles grew sticky.
However, Scrappy's greatest attribute would be his ability to attract the ladies. Every guy knows women can't resist puppies, but we're also aware that the female fascination with all things cute and cuddly extends beyond canines. To capitalize, big dudes will often recruit smaller, vertically-challenged friends to become 'hottie bait.' If you don't believe me, stop by the Kollege Klub on Friday night; you'll see dozens of Badger offensive and defensive linemen, each holding what appears to be Danny Devito at the end of a leash.
To appease my significant other, Scrappy and I never got to frolic through Library Mall with sorority girls in pastel-colored bikinis. That's probably for the best; I doubt I could cope if anything were to happen to him. In contrast, Charlie handled Blue's death well, floating the gecko out over Lake Mendota in a Tiffany's box while proving that lizards, unlike diamonds, aren't forever.
