One Saturday freshman year, after scarfing down an 18-wheeler from Pops, I ironically fell asleep watching 'Chasing Amy.' I nervously woke up, realizing I had left my laundry in the basement for the past four hours.
I rushed down the stairs of the Sellery B tower as though saving thirty seconds was going to make my clothes become un-stolen from the past four hours of neglect.
Bursting into the laundry room and almost knocking a girl over in the process, I found both loads of my clothes dried and neatly folded.
'Hey, I needed that washer so I finished your laundry for you,' some cute girl told me. Shocked that such kindness could exist in college and that my clothes were intact, I thanked the girl and took my clothes upstairs.
Realizing I never even asked for her name, not to mention her number, I bolted downstairs one more time to discover that she had already left. I had blown my chance at quite possibly the best girlfriend I never had.
In a similar incident at a later date, I walked up to the hottest girl in my Asia studies class and said, 'Hey, I'm Jon,' in hopes of breaking the ice with her.
'What's wrong'? she asked quizzically.
'What? Nothing is wrong. My name is Jon,' I repeated.
'Oh, am I sitting in your seat or something'? she asked.
'What? No, nothing is wrong. My name is Jon,' I said again, knowing I had blown the opportunity at getting to know this girl as well.
'Oh. Well, what do you want'? she asked with a sassy attitude. I was at a loss for words: I simply turned and walked away.
Why don't women understand they need to help the awkward ice-breaking conversations along if they ever want to meet guys outside of their circle of friends?
I tried another one of my tricks the first day of the next semester. I arrived six minutes before class: just enough time before people were forced to sit next to complete strangers.
I walked in, quickly scoped out the selection of pretty girls and sat by one without somebody next to her. Fifteen weeks later, I still hadn't introduced myself to her, most likely because I was gutless and nervous.
'You'll meet somebody when you least expect it.' We have all heard or said these words of advice, usually when our girlfriend dumps us during finals week or when one of our buddies has only dated two girls his whole life. Usually we are so enraged or hurt that we don't even listen to the words.
So many guys out there are hitting on girls at bars hoping to get lucky, or sitting by the cutest girl in their Modern Lit class thinking it will increase their odds of finding somebody.
What these guys should know is that for every moment you spend ridiculously searching for a one night stand or awkwardly attempting to break the ice with some fine looking honey, you waste a moment that you might actually meet a girl worth meeting when your guard is down.
Four years later, I'm still trying to find somebody like the Laundry Girl. In the words of the great Silent Bob, 'She was the girl. I know that now. ?? So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy, so to speak.'
