It's midterm season, and between writing papers, cramming for tests and silently weeping into bowls of ramen, most students are not likely to be spending much free time in front of a computer screen chatting on AOL Instant Messenger.
Thus, now is the perfect opportunity to go on a sort of Internet safari and examine various kinds of AIM away messages and what they tell us about the college students who use them. Grab your pith helmet and let's begin, shall we?
The generic away message: Usually something like, I am away from my computer right now.\ The student who employs this away message is a lone wolf, stoic and detached. Where is he now? He doesn't have to answer to you—you need only know that he is not there, of which he informs you with an air of mystery and dignity.
The drawn-out description of day: This person is the complete opposite of our last case and feels the need to tell you exactly where she will be at any given time throughout the day. ""Breakfast, then CA 354 discussion at 9:55, Comp. Lit 204 lecture at 11:00, then lunch at the Union to study for Poli Sci with Shelly and Jean, then off to do research for my Jewish Studies paper at College Library,"" and so on. The advantage to dealing with this type of student is by the time you've finished reading the incredibly long away message, she'll be done with all her daily errands and will return home in time to talk with you.
The non-sequitur: While checking others' away messages, you may come across one that appears to be completely meaningless. ""I like pancakes!"" or ""If we didn't have the word ‘shiv,' you'd just have to call it a ‘crappy-ass knife.'"" Are these words of random whimsy or something more? Perhaps this person actually IS eating pancakes or wrapping a piece of glass in cloth to stab his roommate. You'll never know, and the non-sequitur writer laughs at your pitiful confusion.
The inspirational quote: It could be one from Albert Einstein, Maya Angelou, the Bible or Yahoo Serious, but whoever said it, it's meant to soothe your soul through uplifting words. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, ""Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail."" Let's see how much better that really makes you feel when you get an F on your psych paper.
The song lyrics: Whereas the inspirational quote is meant to cheer you up, the song lyrics are there to let you know that this AIM user is a brooding and sensitive soul. Are the Death Cab for Cutie lyrics being quoted for their own sake or because they reflect the inner anguish of his broken heart? Oh, he's probably just been shot down by some girl at Mediterranean Café, so he'll be strumming on his six-stringed acoustic for a few hours and won't have time to talk to you.
The link of the day: This person is fixin' to cheer you up by bringing a funny Flash file or humorous news story to your attention. Unfortunately, however, the effort is wasted because you're furious that someone has time to waste looking for clever Internet distractions while you're studying for three midterms that all fall on the same day.
The ""I'm hanging out with people who aren't you"" away message: If the away message says, ""Playing ‘Smash Bros. Melee' with the guys,"" and you're sitting at your computer reading it by yourself, the message is clear: You're not one of ""the guys."" And a single tear rolls down your face.
Sure, these away messages may annoy you or waste your time, but cheer up: When Spring Break finally gets here, you can put one of your own up. ;) LOLZ
You can reach Justin via e-mail at morrisonbass@yahoo.com.
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