Drunk driving kills! In 2004 alcohol contributed to nearly 40 percent of the 42,636 traffic deaths in the United States. Most people that buy lottery tickets know they have almost zero chance of winning, but when you gamble by letting your friends drink and drive, nobody is going to win a million dollars at the end of the night.
I'll stop with the lecture because we've all been told hundreds of time that drinking and driving is stupid, but can you recall the last time somebody told you drunk driving was an intelligent thing to do? Ironic as it sounds, drunk driving saved my friend's life last year. I understand the quizzical looks on your faces, but Scout's Honor, drunk driving saved Chris' life.
Last September, my friend Lloyd threw a party. As all great party stories start, Lloyd's parents were out of town. A surprising turnout of about 30 people made the 13-mile drive out to Lloyd's house south of Fitchburg. Lloyd and the birthday boy started hitting the bottle early that night.
The little smokey barbeque weenies were a big hit; however, the party surprisingly died down early that night. Around 2 a.m. the house was empty except for Chris and Lloyd. Not being able to enjoy the hot tub while playing host, Lloyd and Chris now jumped in.
After having a few more drinks, smoking celebratory cigars and enjoying the autumn breeze, Lloyd got out of the tub and went to change when he heard the sound of a bottle breaking. He entered the patio and thought Eskimos had just gutted a sea lion next to the hot tub. There was blood all over the concrete floor and the wooden steps from Chris stepping on the shattered remains of the bottle he dropped on the floor.
Have you ever bothered to read the warning signs next to the whirlpool at a hotel? No glass bottles, no high blood pressure, no pregnant women and no alcohol. Well, luckily Chris wasn't a high-blood-pressured pregnant woman or they would have been breaking all of the hot tub commandments that night.
While Lloyd went to find a garbage bag to duct tape to Chris' leg so they wouldn't ruin the newly-installed carpet, Chris pulled the large piece of glass from his foot and yelled, Uh-oh!\ Lloyd (who gets queasy at the sight of his own blood) was startled by the 8-inch-long spurts of blood that shot out of Chris' foot. Maybe hotels policies about no glass serve a real purpose. Lloyd duct taped a towel and garbage bag to the foot and proceeded to drive absolutely shmamered to the hospital.
Thirteen Captain and Cokes during the night and 13 miles later, they arrived at the Meriter Hospital emergency room entrance. As Chris swung his dripping blood-filled, garbage-bagged foot out of the car, the blood hit the concrete and the officer quickly got two nurses and a gurney for my friend.
Because Saferide doesn't service south of Fitchburg and because Chris would have surely died from blood loss before an ambulance would have gotten him to Meriter, they chanced Lloyd driving drunk that night. Ninety-nine percent of the time drunk driving is the wrong choice, but this time it saved my friends life. Just remember: Alcohol, glass and hot tubs do not mix, but blood and water surely do.
Is it bubbler or water fountain? E-mail jwsteffen@wisc.edu.\
