The time has come my fellow students, to take up your pitchforks and torches and, um, Nalgene bottles, and overthrow our tyrannical fascists. I am talking about a revolution, it's time for change. The age of the Robin Hood party has passed, we need something more along the lines of the William Wallace party. In other words, ASM's time is up. NEXT!
The repeated election failures due to a high number of voters will undoubtedly result in a fraction of the original voters being heard. Others have pointed out the members are out of touch and self-serving. And if no one actually has pointed this out, I will. I went to an ASM meeting once, and holy hell it was like watching a politician incubator. Every negative cliché is present in its larval stage. But with both issues there are exceptions.
I'll be honest, I don't want a revolution for reasons that people would find justifiable\ or ""sane."" My reason for the end of the Associated Students of Madison: They are sooo damn boring. All that talking, those long meetings, discussion taking center stage over action, and no one really knows who the representatives are. How can you expect to get anything done or rally the student body's support when the closest competitor for entertainment is sleep?
A revolution fixes this, a fiery, violent revolution. My ideal case scenario goes something along these lines:
...Holed up in the rumored riot-proof Humanities building, the members of ASM have barricaded all entrances with those cheap, yet surprisingly dense army surplus desks found in the Humanities classrooms. As a mob of at least 20,000 students descends on the building, Freshmen representatives Sol Grosskopf and Tim Vliestra detonate charges placed on the bridges from Bascom Mall and Vilas. This finalizes Humanties' transformation into an impenetrable fortress. ASM secretary John Bruning takes roll call under torch light since the mob outside has severed water and power connections. To their horror, they realize both Education representatives, Jacqueline Goessl and Rachelle Stone are missing. But this concern is interrupted as a flaming garbage can takes out Business representative Dylan Rath while they huddle together in the courtyard. Stumbling over each other, the remaining ASM members race up the stairs to see what is going on outside. The blood drains from their faces; the mob has called upon the UW Trebuchet Team to join in on the siege efforts. As the ragged group exchanges glances, they know it's only a matter of time...
This course of events is not only exciting, but you learn representative's names too. So, how close are we to this dream-come-true for me? Well, some dude is already leading a group which is considering how to replace ASM with a new student government, cleverly called Student Government. Personally, I'd prefer something more flashy, like University of Wisconsin Badger Legislators At Madison, or UW-BLAM!!! for short.
But with a rational leader heading up the group… pardon, he's a College Republican?! Wait a sec, this is Madison. You mean he's a College More Moderate Democrat, right? No? He is actually a College Republican. Huh. Oh well, no one's perfect.
Besides, I'd support a group with a pro-prohibition and pro-student-slave-labor agenda, just less openly. Much less openly. I really just want a cleansing wave of ""new ideas"" fluid to give the current system a much needed enema. In the slightly edited words of Dwight D. Eisenhower ""Listen … to … AmErica … Revolution … is … good.""
Viva la revolución!
They may take our segregated fees, but they'll never take our FREEDOM! E-mail ejjensen3@wisc.edu if you have a battering ram, boiling oil, or some thoughts on any of this.
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