As part of this week's All-Campus Party festivities, I volunteered to serve free breakfast to hundreds of hungry students on Bascom Hill Monday morning. Psychologists should study events like these because free food and early Monday mornings bring out the worst in human nature.
It started off pretty well. I was in a good mood thanks to a perfectly ripened banana, chocolate milk and the sun. All signs were pointing to this being a
great day.
To make sure there was enough food for everyone, our instructions were to let everyone have one bagel or donut and one piece of fruit and a beverage for the first few hours of the event. Sounds simple enough, and this on-the-go meal provided more than enough food to fuel someone through a lecture or two.
But like they tend to do, people disappointed me. I was working the fruit table, passing out apples, oranges and those ever-so-popular bananas to the hungry masses. By the way, have you ever tried to get people to eat fruit when the next table over has Krispy Kremes? It's like putting David the Gnome in a dunk contest. You can root for the underdog all you want, but he is never going to measure up. This is especially true when the underdog lacks sugary glaze.
Anyway, I noticed some people walking by me with three donuts and a bagel, or a handful of bottled juices and peck of apples. Things were slipping already, but then I started getting the special requests.
Do you guys have melon?\
""No, just apples, oranges and bananas.""
""Damn, that sucks.""
What did she want me to do? Should I have apologized? I could have offered her this witticism:
""I'm sorry ma'am, but I'm afraid we are out of melon. The make-your-own-waffle bar, petting zoo and free-cash-for-the-taking station took up so much room we just couldn't fit the melon in. Try again next year—the free melon will be next to the ice sculpture and the booth where people do your homework for you.""
Perhaps that response was a little pointed, but honestly, who questions the menu at a free breakfast? You don't look a gift horse in the mouth and you certainly don't look at a gift bagel and ask for cream cheese.
Though the sour notes in the crowd were few and far between, they certainly stick out in my mind. It's in our nature to bilk each other out of everything we can. I'm sure anthropologists have found cave drawings of early people wanting more than one ride on the first wheel, or stealing all of the meat from the community kill. It's written in the genes. Right next to ""breathe in, breathe out"" is ""get the most of everything you can.""
I'm more than happy to help out at events like these to provide free food and a great time to my peers. And to the majority of the students and faculty who were grateful, I thank you. But to the bad apples in the bunch, remember that programs like these occur because of the generosity and enthusiasm of others. If you don't want it, don't take it and don't complain. Those few steps can turn something OK into something amazing, or in other words they can turn an all-campus event into an All-Campus Party.
To gripe about your free ticket to the Common concert tonight, e-mail erin at erincanty8285@hotmail.com.
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