Possibly the most recognizable sports columnist of the 20th century, Jim Murray once wrote, writing a column is like riding a tiger. You don't want to stay on, but you don't want to get off either.\
Those words couldn't be more true.
During his time as a columnist, Murray wined and dined Marilyn Monroe, got mail from Marlon Brando, was mentioned in a governor's State of the State address and flew in Air Force One. On a particular night when he was not able to attend an awards dinner, he got a sub—Bob Hope.
Reflecting on my two years inking this column, I'd like to think our careers have followed a similar path.
I wined and dined a beautiful girl from Kenosha for a while, got mail from Nana and Papa, was mentioned on the loud speaker at Wando's (""bouncer needed upstairs to remove this kid"") and flew on a plane to Florida by myself for the Capital One Bowl. On one particular afternoon when I was not available to study for a final, I stole the exam in my Italian II class with a friend named Ben —a name eerily similar to Bob.
Anyway, I contemplated what I wanted to write in my final column and came to the realization it would be impossible to encompass everything the last two years have meant to me. I could thank everyone I love from my parents to my friends (and to fellow columnist Peter Long for riding his coat tails Wednesday's a year ago). I could try and tell an innovative story that details all Badger events during my time here or simply fill the next 400 words with inside jokes that only a handful of people would understand.
I decided to dabble in all of the above opening by shedding some light on concerns I have encountered during my time with an opinionated voice at this paper.
First of all, I'll address the most obvious. Yes, more than 500 girls, including every student athlete on the UW women's basketball team, on this campus can beat me one-on-one in basketball, and I estimate I have encountered 462 of them in some form since the ""infamous"" column was written. But playing against girls at the SERF was the topic, not my stance on a woman's right to vote. Sorry to head coach Lisa Stone for rejecting her offer to be a laundry boy and the same goes to my former pen pal Shauna Nichols for never making it to the court. Thanks for the laughs, and I hope both parties have moved on.
Given the chance, I'd write the same column again without changing a word.
In other news, The Badger Herald is a quality newspaper amidst the sworn hate that exists between the two (sorry Mendota Beacon) sources of information on campus. They just don't have any non-aquatic athletes at their paper. I'll leave with a 4-1 record outside of the newsroom.
Moving along, football players love the College of Agricultural and Life Sciences; it didn't take my column to figure that out. It's not my fault David B. Hogg, interim dean at that school, hands out priceless quotes. I do hope underwater basket weaving was not a course offered this past semester.
Finally, there is a city named Evansville in Illinois. It's just not where the Wildcats play.
I'll near the conclusion in the same fashion that ESPN's Cheap Seats wraps up with by handing out some Cheapies.
Cheapie for ""best response to a column"": ""you have no friends, you probably have a small penis and your mother doesn't love you.""
Cheapie for ""best line of clothing on campus"": ""J-Cheezy"" spearheaded by Jason Chappell.
And Cheapie for ""pretty soon there won't be a next year"": Brian Butch. Second runner-up: ""Butch face."" Thank god.
To the masses that loved the column, you were greatly appreciated. To the rest who hated the column or me, you were appreciated even more, forcing me to stay sharp. Whether it was love or hate, all that matters is you read and I was able to provoke thought.
I've learned a sports columnist has the ability to not only define a section, but a newspaper as a whole. I'm grateful for the opportunity to scratch the surface of what I truly have a passion for. Hopefully it won't be long before I get a chance to do this all over again on a larger scale, but until then, it's been a good ride.
Now its time to face the tiger...
Jon is a senior majoring in journalism and English. This was his final column for The Daily Cardinal. He can be reached for comment one last time at jrmcnamara@wisc.edu.
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