The beginning of freshman year in college is never easy—saying goodbye to all your best friends and loved ones and completely starting over is difficult for everyone. But for twins, the separation anxiety may be even worse than most.
""I was born with a best friend,"" said UW-Madison senior Frances Housley of her fraternal twin sister Lorne who attends the University of Minnesota. ""That is one of the amazing things about being a twin. She is always there.""
""We did everything together growing up and still spend a lot of time together,"" said Nathan Kaehler, a senior at Iowa State of his identical twin Ted who attends UW-Madison. ""We talk to each other almost everyday.""
Biological factors also contribute to the intimacy of twins and their attachment to one another. Initially a single egg, identical twins are generally closer and maintain stronger attachment ties. However, fraternal twins may also be extremely close. Both began life together side by side during the ultimate beginning.
Nancy Segal, a fraternal twin and professor of psychology at California State University-Fullerton studied the effects of death on twins to demonstrate just how strong the attachment ties are.
She found that in dealing with the death of a twin, the grief experienced is stronger and endures longer than when dealing with the death of anyone else—even that of a spouse or child. These incredibly strong attachments make long-term separation especially difficult.
Reared together their entire lives, twins face a difficult decision about their future lives during college. Should they separate, or stay together?
""We thought it was an important time in our lives to become independent from one another,"" Housley said of their decision to separate. Since we were younger we had always gone to the same school and done the same activities ... rarely would one of us take up a new activity without the other."" Other pairs of twins go their separate ways due to differing personal preferences or career paths.
""Some twins want to room together at college, and others want to go to colleges a thousand miles apart,"" said Hill Goldsmith, a psychology professor at UW-Madison. ""Although twin relationships are typically close, they vary widely just as other types of relationships do.""
While separation may be the answer for some twins, others have chosen to live in close physical proximity their entire lives.
UW-Madison seniors and fraternal twins Katie and Kristen Stark have lived together since their sophomore year. Following a bad experience with a former roommate, Katie found that it was a safe decision to live with her twin than try and find a new compatible roommate.
""It has worked out pretty well, but we do still have our sibling fights,"" she said of their living arrangements.
June Backus, an 84-year-old resident of Oshkosh, has never lived more than a few blocks away from her twin Jane. Currently they live in the same apartment complex only two doors away.
""We do everything together,"" said June of their relationship. ""We've never been apart.""
However, certain tensions also surround most twin relationships, making separation a seemingly good idea. The image of twins as an immaculate friendship devoid of arguments and disagreements is an illusion.
""Friends always asked us why we didn't get along like some of the poster twins you see on television,"" said UW-Madison sophomore David Lammie of his fraternal twin Douglas who attends the Illinois Institute of Art. ""Twins don't get along like you think they do. They fight. A lot. In the past, you'd think you would have to buy tickets and some popcorn for our fights. Now they've simmered down.""
Twin relations, in their extreme closeness, are also predisposed to tension because of the constant presence of the other.
""Being one of a twin provides, in the co-twin, more dramatic and convincing grounds for comparison than that with other children,"" said Audrey Sandback in her book ""Twin and Triplet Psychology.""
""I feel that we are in constant competition with each other,"" Housley said. ""It has been like that since the day we were born, who gets the better grades, who's skinnier, prettier, etc.""
Twins also tend to lack an identity exclusive of the other, causing similar frustrations.
""We were always addressed as one entity,"" Lammie said. ""I've even come to respond when people call me Douglas.""
Different environments are a quick solution to the lack of an individual identity.
""In college, they referred to me by my first name and didn't have to ask ‘which one I was,'"" Kaehler said.
Separation may help to ameliorate these tensions in some pairs, even if it is initially difficult and straining.
""It was extremely difficult for me at first,"" said UW-Lacrosse junior Megan Brennan whose twin Sarah attends UW-Madison. ""But as the couple first months passed, it got easier as we both fell into our own and could evaluate the relationship in a new light.""
Other twins feel differently about their initial separation, however. David Lammie said it was fantastic. ""My brother and I shared a room for 18 years and let's just say he snores. Loudly.""
Housley, Lammie, Kaehler and Brennan all agreed that their separation in college only stands to enrich their relationship instead of making it more difficult.
""I think we have actually gotten closer by living apart,"" Lorne Housley said.
