Well, the Indians have a runner. I think I'll wet my pants.""
It's really too bad announcers can't be as great as Bob Uecker in the Major League movies. There are a few good ones, but the awful ones far outweigh the Kevin Harlans and Gus Johnsons of the world. For every ""Do you believe in miracles?"" call, there are 200 ""The Badgers really need to score more if they're going to have any chance in this game"" calls.
The best commentators are the ones you don't notice much until the most exciting parts of the game. Although it was far before my time, one of the best calls in sports history is still on Bobby Thomson's ""shot heard round the world"" from 1951. The New York Giants were down 4-2 in the bottom of the ninth to the rival Brooklyn Dodgers in a game to see who went to the World Series. The Giants had made up an amazing 13-game deficit to make it into this game, but it appeared it would be for naught.
You could hear the disappointment in Giants announcer Ross Hodges' voice as Thomson took his first strike, but Thomson hit the next pitch out and Hodges went crazy, screaming. ""The Giants win the pennant!"" over and over. It's one of the finest moments in sports history, and it still gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. Hodges actually cares about the team and the game he's calling, and now will live on in the annals of baseball history because of it.
Unfortunately, many of today's announcers don't appear to care about the games they are calling. They either show no emotion the entire game, constantly state the obvious or feel the need to distract from the game with inane tangents. Commentators have one of the best jobs in the world, and yet some act like they are pulling teeth while calling the game. Normally this would drive me nuts, but it can result in hilarity on occasion.
A couple years ago my friends and I were watching a fog-filled USC game on Fox Sports Net West because the then-No. 1 Trojans were losing. The game quickly shifted back in USC's favor, but the announcing was so classic we had to keep watching. Among the highlights was a comment they made about the opposing team's best wide receiver, saying that he ""wasn't particularly big, didn't have good hands, wasn't all that fast, not really that athletic, but he's a good guy.""
For some reason, college announcers are always good for an unintentional laugh. One announcer this past weekend used the term ""cross-pollination"" in reference to college coaches shifting from university to university and I recall the use of ""tip-toed like a ballerina"" to describe P.J. Hill at one point last season. And of course, there's the classic ""he dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact, you can see it all over their faces.""
However, these one-liners come around only one or two times a game, and I'll take a good announcer over an unintentionally humorous one any day. The legendary Harry Caray had it right when he said ""I've always tried in each and every broadcast to serve the fans to the best of my ability."" He broadcasted the way a regular fan would, and those announcers are the ones that are the most successful. Although there may never be another Caray or Howard Cosell, perhaps there's a young sports fan out there who can learn from the mistakes of today's commentators and honor Caray and Cosell's memories.
We sports fans can only hope. Otherwise, Uecker's color commentator will become the norm.
""Fly ball ... caught.""
Yeah, The Daily Cardinal was paid by Gus Johnson to mention him two days in a row. We'll mention you too if you pay us. Contact Zach at zlkukkonen@dailycardinal.com.
