The entire world knows Britney Spears has gone off the deep end. Her highly questionable parenting skills, her newly bald head, her hoo hoo's intimate relationship with the camera—the woman's nuts these days. And in my opinion, that's just fine.
Truthfully, I don't think any of us really care what celebrities do with their lives; all that matters is that it's outrageous and gives us common folk something to talk about.
When you and the rest of the world can mutually identify a famous name and face, the possibilities for nosiness and gossip are endless. And, as we all know, that is what real friendships are made from. Plus, there's no better conversation starter than, ""Do you really think Regis Philbin has five nipples?""
But I don't really care if Regis has 11 nipples or none at all because he's just another person... who happens to have an extraordinary amount of wealth and fame. As the general public, however, we are supposed to feel otherwise. Just open US Weekly.
What really irks me is their section entitled ""Stars—they're just like US!"" which includes photos of the famous doing normal everyday things in order to reassure mere mortals, like myself, that I unbelievably have something in common with these gods. The captions usually resemble something like, ""They have kids!"" and ""They talk on cell phones!"" or ""They bend over to pick up their dog's crap!"" Wow, US, you don't say?
And everything else we read about them in these kind of magazines is based on the words simply cited as ""sources,"" ""insiders"" and ""friends."" Really, who are these people? They might as well be a committee of chimps arbitrarily flinging poop at pictures of the famous, deciding who to pick on next in the media.
Still, I can't deny there is an allure to learning as much as possible about certain individuals. We all have our celebrity fantasies that we spend an irrational amount of time daydreaming about. My list consists of Joaquin Phoenix, Rodrigo Santoro, Will Ferrell (don't ask), Jake Gyllenhaal, ... [pause, new breath]... Zach Braff, Clive Owen, Pharrell and Conan O'Brien (duh).
I even have my fair share of girl crushes, as well, for women I both admire and want to someday emulate. This includes Natalie Portman, Sarah Jessica Parker, Ziyi Zhang and Penelope Cruz. But it's silly, I know.
My point is it's not usually the stars we care about—it's each other. Celebs are simply a ploy to communicate with others, meaning they're essentially attractive little tools we use for our own advantage. And that's exactly how it should be because they owe us. They use our normal lives, experiences and emotions to project in their movies, music and other entertainment, while making millions for themselves. We're the ones who make them famous, and I believe it's time we get a piece of the pie.
Yeah, it's cool to tell others Jeremy Piven and the Cusacks went to my high school, but will they themselves ever know or care about it? Hell no. I only say it to impress wonderful people like you.
The famous are so dependent on us I can't handle it anymore. Some of them have even started making house calls for inspiration from my wildly exciting life. And I'm all like, ""Lindsay, honey... Simma down now!"" She's so needy sometimes.
