When Steve Irwin passed away last September I was heart broken. His enthusiastic Australian charm instilled a love for nature and the desire to explore in millions of his viewers. He was truly one of a kind.
That's why his death was so tragic: The love of his life—that being wildlife—seemed to turn its back on him. And strangely I think he wouldn't have wanted to die any other way. I can't say the same for me though—if all the sudden Conan O'Brien pierced me in the chest without any warning, I have a feeling we'd be over... but I can't say for sure.
Since Steve Irwin's death, I've begun to watch more Animal Planet as an homage to him and to further my fondness for creatures of all shapes and sizes.
My favorite animal is the snake, snakes of all kinds. They really get a bad rep from the whole Garden of Eden thing and movies like ""Anaconda"" where a bogus 45-foot serpent heartlessly attacks anyone in sight. But in reality they're actually beautiful, gentle reptiles more afraid of humans than we are of them. And maybe J-Lo was asking for it in the first place. Regardless, swallowing mice (or humans) whole is just cool.
I relate most to the hummingbird myself for its little size and spastic ways. And similar to me, they often eat more than their own body weight in order to sustain themselves.
But my animal alter ego is the cow. I'm not talking about your average Wisconsin cow here, I'm talking about Wagyu cattle from Japan. These special cows are bred so that their meat—known as Kobe beef—is as tender and succulent as possible. Thus their entire lives consist of resting, getting massages, being fed regularly and even drinking beer for additional flavor. They're pretty much the rock stars of the animal kingdom. I'm not sure if I want to have them for dinner or party with them.
Besides partying with Japanese cows, I have another life goal involving animals. I want to own both a huge beast of a dog and a little yappy one (the kind you can dropkick—not that I ever would. I don't support animal cruelty, but I find something comforting in knowing I could drop kick it if I needed to).
Just imagine how awesome it would be to ride on the back of a Great Dane with another Chihuahua sitting on your shoulder. Who the hell wants a moped when you could take a Saint Bernard to class?
I'm thinking of someday opening a zoo in Steve Irwin's name, and when I do you can bet on seeing some snakes, Wagyu cattle and polar oppositely sized dogs. I'd pretty much feature any kind of wildlife in my zoo—except for horses and cats.
I'm petrified of horses because they're so volatile and can seriously injure people. Cats make my eyes swell up and I always start wheezing when I'm around them. Plus they're just bitchy.
Then again, I might decide to let them hang around my zoo. If my dog ever gives out, traveling by pony doesn't sound so bad. And if my cows seem particularly hungry one day, well, there are always the cats.
What's your animal alter ego? Let Julia know at shiplett@wisc.edu.
