As we head into the Badgers' Big Ten schedule, it's time to get serious about our Sconnie pride. And what says Wisconsin"" more than a hearty brat? Nothing - not even that senile fool who stumbles onto the field in Green Bay every Sunday. But while most can agree it's tough to screw up the simple pleasure of a grilled bratwurst, few can agree on the best place to have the Sconnie staple served up. Lest you spend your precious fall days eating substandard bratwurst, we here at the Cardinal decided to settle this debate once and for all - where does one go to get the tastiest and juiciest brat?
Our discerning crew for this sausage study is as varied as the source of the meat in the inferior hot dog. Taster One is as skinny as a Barbie doll and his limited caloric intake provides the picky eater's viewpoint. Taster Two esteems himself as ""Mr. Wisconsin,"" complete with Packer blowup doll, and has been enjoying classic brats since birth. Taster Three provides the female take on this burly cuisine - though she is a rather astute food critic, no one really likes her. We just didn't want to seem sexist. And last of all, Taster Four is a familiar face on the Cardinal food page, whose Minnesotan heritage provides balance on this Sconnie delicacy.
Fittingly, we began our journey at State Street Brats, where we were greeted by the tragic scene of two bartenders attempting to please thirsty patrons while taking food orders and moonlighting as waiters - a clear recipe for disaster. One might imagine an establishment founded on the bratwurst might be quick with its preparation, but one would be hungrily wrong. Though plastic bags filled with bratwurst line the bar, tempting both diner and bacteria, it seems that Brats uses a Crock Pot to cook their bratwurst.
Brats does live up to its name in sheer variety of brat offerings though. The white (pork) brat ($2.75) is the most basic offering, and its flavor is just that - basic. As for the red (beef) brat ($2.75), be advised: Do not bother with your free popcorn, this thing packs so much salt you'll be guzzling water for days. It offers much more flavor than its white counterpart, and it produced an array of reactions from our tasters.
""It's like a hot dog with zing, but with the consistency of a brat,"" remarked Taster Three.
""More like summer sausage,"" concluded Taster One.
Beyond these options, Brats also offers a Cajun White Brat, a Jalapeno Red Brat (both $4.00), and a Red, White & Bleu Brat, which features a red and white brat smothered in bleu cheese. Taster Four would like to point out that bleu cheese could make cardboard taste amazing.
Disappointed by the showing of UW's namesake brat house, our crew headed to a location with far less history. Quinton's Bar and Deli, which in two years has quickly garnered a loyal patronage who swear by their toasted sandwiches and Big Girls, serves up a unique Bucky Brat. Instead of the ubiquitous stale bun, Quinton's compliments their somewhat standard split brat with far-from-standard toasted bread.
Take it as you like, but the alluring aroma of Quinton's brat led Taster One to remark, ""It smells Fergalicious."" Our server was not quite as enamored, baffled by our sharing of a single brat between four people.
Leaving Quinton's, we proceeded to The Plaza Tavern, where one of their lovable rough-around-the-edges bartenders informed us that his establishment did not serve bratwurst. This brings up an interesting point: While we reside in the land of beer and brats, there are a surprising lot of Madison eateries that feature no rendition of the German sausage on their menus. Many of these same establishments make every effort to appeal to classic Sconnie tradition - deep-fried cheese curds, Blatz on tap, shrines to Robin Yount - and yet they neglect this most genuine Wisconsin staple. Shame on them.
Refusing to let these party poopers keep us down, we opted to follow the bright lights of Mad Dog's Chicago Style Eatery. Mad Dog's specializes in Chicago-style hot dogs, so it is no surprise that their mushy brat ($3.00) leaves a bit to be desired.
""It's lacking in girth,"" said Taster Three with a disturbingly sexual tone. All tasters agreed that Mad Dog's only saving grace was the mountain of fresh onions, sauerkraut and lively dà ¼sseldorf mustard crowning the pre-cooked brat.
A long walk later, our brat crew arrived at the Come Back In, where we ordered up the Bavarian brat melt ($5.95 w/fries). While the melted Swiss cheese was a great addition, it was the toasted bun that really delighted our taste buds.
""I enjoyed the brat-less last bite as much as anything,"" remarked Taster Four as he wiped some brown mustard from his lips. But while all were impressed with the overall package, Taster Three stated that ""it needs a crispy exterior.""
Heading into the homestretch, we huffed our way up Capitol hill and ducked into the Old Fashioned. Priding itself on grown-up versions of Wisconsin staples, the Old Fashioned offers one of the more interesting renditions on bratwurst: Instead of the traditional long, slender sausage, the tangy bratwurst is shaved thin and piled high on toasted bread ($6.95 w/fries). A full-bodied mustard is slathered on, and fresh-made sauerkraut surprised all four tasters with its crisp, zesty taste. Ironically, though this was certainly the most gourmet version we tasted, it came to our table in a third of the time it took State Street Brats.
""But this ain't really a brat,"" whined Taster One. ""If you include this, why not include the Essen Haus' wurst platters, the bangers 'n' mash at Brocach, or all the summer sausage sandwiches?"" Indeed, there is a plethora of sausage offerings in the Madison area, many of which are far from your standard brat-on-a-bun, and all of which are delicious in their own way. Of course, this good question was lost as the rest of us licked the robust mustard off our fingers.
At this point, the walk from the Capitol to our final stop, Stadium Sports Bar, felt like the Bataan Death March. Arteries ached and stomachs lurched, but we trudged on. Every Badger game day, the Stadium feeds hundreds of hungry fans. Those fortunate fans smart enough to order a brat are treated to a specimen that is ordinary and yet extraordinary.
""It looks the biggest by far,"" remarked Taster Four upon the arrival of the Stadium's brat ($3.99). Seconds later, his awestruck smile turned to a grimace.
""It hurts so good,"" yelped Taster Four as his first bite squirted scalding brat juice across his face. ""It's the only brat we've had that really has that scrumptious snap.""
Taster Two loved the ""perfect char"" on the outside of the brat while Taster Three was pleased with its inner consistency, ""It's well lubricated, but not greasy."" At this point the three male tasters started to question the objectivity of the sausage queen.
Waddling back to our homes, reeking of greasy meat, we attempted to reach a consensus on our eventful evening.
""I was quite impressed with Quinton's,"" said Taster One. ""The brat itself was really flavorful.""
Taster Three was quick to compliment the delectable toppings at the Come Back In, ""I just wanted to eat the kraut and cheese alone, but the brat wasn't bad either.""
But as we enjoyed the colorful palette of mustards still adoring our faces, Taster Two summed up our unanimous choice for best Wisconsin bratwurst: ""The Stadium did it best - it was like the brats I grew up eating at home, only way better than anything I could ever grill up.""
