It's sometimes said that Washington D.C. is \Hollywood for ugly people."" This is totally ridiculous, of course. It would be far more accurate to say that Washington is one of our glamorous state capitals (like Harrisburg, Pa., or Lansing, Mich.) for ugly people.
Yes, many politicians are exceptionally ugly. Consider a politician like former House Speaker Rep. J. Dennis Hastert, R-Ill. The only difference between him and Jabba the Hutt is that one is a massive worm-like creature that can move only by slowly slithering its rolls of fat across the floor, and the other is an ugly politician that I could have hyperbolically described the same way for comedic effect. The average politician is about as hot as a meeting of the House Agriculture Subcommittee on Department Operations, Oversight, Nutrition and Forestry, which is to say, not very. (A meeting of the deeply sensuous House Agriculture Subcommittee on General Farm Commodities and Risk Management is, obviously, a completely different issue, but that's irrelevant.)
But as the 1987 stock market crash, time-travel episodes of ""Star Trek"" or exit-poll data from the 2004 presidential election will tell you, anomalies always occur. There are a few politicians of national prominence who are not only not grotesquely ugly, but indeed, hot. Allow me to introduce you to the three sexiest women of politics:
3. Rep. Mary Bono, R-Calif.
If you sense a tinge of the otherworldly in those alluring green eyes of hers, you are probably right: Rep. Bono has met twice with representatives of the Church of Scientology since coming to Capitol Hill. The Church's headquarters are in her district, and their records show she has taken several classes with them. Also, someone really needs to rescue her and her alienlike beauty from who she's currently going out with: another congressman named Rep. Cornelius McGillicuddy IV, R-Fla. Seriously. Look it up.
2. Rep. Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, D-S.D.
When you're South Dakota's only Representative, and your Democratic Senator is recovering from a massive brain hemorrhage, things can probably get pretty lonely. Which is sad to think of for Rep. Herseth Sandlin, whose cherubic face and plunging neckline make for a charming sexy-prairie-prom-queen image. Of course, you can't forget what her home state is, in light of that pesky abortion ban they passed last year. As in, don't get her pregnant, or you're in trouble.
1. Republican Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska
Well, what can be said? You don't have Gov. Palin's saucy half-smile, repressed-librarian glasses and post-coitus-evoking hairstyle if you don't want the top spot on this list. I envy the (on average) one person in every square mile of the Final Frontier, each of which must have been sexually charged like nowhere else since this vixen entered office last year. I'd bet she'd even be able to heat up the barren oil-rigged wasteland she hopes to turn the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge into.
So, while most politicians are not hot, I like to think that quality and not quantity is what counts. The situation of hot male politicians is probably bleaker, but I would love to see a ranked list of them like this one, and challenge one of my fellow, female columnists to produce one. For now, I think I'll get to analyzing the attractiveness of the Wisconsin state legislature, which should be easier. After all, I've always considered Madison to be ""Washington for hot people.
