Former Packers player Esera Tuaolo spoke of his experience as a closeted gay man in the NFL Tuesday as part of National Coming Out Week.
We were really excited to bring him because we know how inspirational he is for a lot of people and we really wanted to reach a population that might not be able to be out,"" said Emma Zeldin, event coordinator for the UW-Madison LGBT Campus Center. ""He's been one of the greatest speakers we've brought.""
According to Tuaolo, he hid his sexuality from a young age when he saw a group of young boys throwing rocks and hurling insults at a child.
""I saw a little bit of myself in that kid,"" he said. ""That is the day when I took that child within me, threw him in the closet and shut the door.""
Tuaolo played in the NFL for 10 years and described his struggles of playing football with teammates who often made homophobic remarks.
""I remember a time we lost a playoff game and the coach said, 'You all played like faggots, except for Esera.'""
During his football career, Tuaolo lived in constant fear someone would out him and had frequent anxiety attacks when his name would appear in the paper or on posters.
Tuaolo said he didn't come out during his time in the NFL because he was afraid of player retaliation.
""I was afraid of getting hurt '¦ in the NFL, being gay is worse than beating your wife,"" he said. ""If you want to ruin a player's career, you just start a rumor that he's gay.""
Tuaolo said to the crowd at Memorial Union that closeting his sexuality caused years of depression.
""There were so many times when I wanted to end my life because I couldn't express myself as a human being.""
In the future, Tuaolo said he plans on raising his two children with his husband and to continue speaking at events across the nation.
